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Help me to remember when I'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up, that it takes:-
42 muscles to frown
28 muscles to smile
And only four muscles to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth





As suspicious as a monk on a nunnery wall at midnight with a jug of sacrimental wine and a box of condoms



submitted by Jacci Rayner

Well, It was bound to happen sooner or later. This shot just didn't work. I contacted my local hairdresser Socrates (no that's not a pseudonym, that's his real name) and he said he would love to be involved. I had to borrow the magnifying glass off my Grandparents. My Grandmother saw the site once but doesn't understand why I need to use so many obscenities. I told her that we shouldn't let words hold power over us but I'll try to keep it to a minimum. (I wouldn't want anyone to thing I'm a foul-mouthed cunt after all.)

So the shot of Socrates cutting my hairs individually was taken but the effect just wasn't coming across. I need to do a heap of fiddling to get it even approximating non-confusion. Dang. Oh well. There's always next week, and at least I didn't get nude. Socrates is a very charming fellow and if you'd like to get your hair cut inexpensively yet professionally you can contact him at

'Your Hairdresser'
(all good hairdressers have a Dad's Joke in the title)

3848 5273
98 Windmill St.
Tarragindi
4121

Daughter: Dad, have you had a hair cut?

Dad: Yes Several.



What ticks on the wall?

Ticky-tape.





A prayer for the stressed

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those that I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.





Dad:
Do you want anymore pie with your tomato sauce?
(usually accompanied with a nudge in the arm)





Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick.





What is the shortest poem in the world?

'Fleas'
'Adam had 'em.'





'Dad, are we going straight home?'

'No son, we're going to turn some corners'




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dan@invisiblespiders.com