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Help me to remember when I'm having a bad day and it seems that people are trying to wind me up, that it takes:-
42 muscles to frown
28 muscles to smile
And only four muscles to extend my arm and smack someone in the mouth





As suspicious as a monk on a nunnery wall at midnight with a jug of sacrimental wine and a box of condoms





Daughter: Dad, have you had a hair cut?

Dad: Yes Several.





What ticks on the wall?

Ticky-tape.





A prayer for the stressed

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those that I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.





Dad:
Do you want anymore pie with your tomato sauce?
(usually accompanied with a nudge in the arm)





Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick.





What is the shortest poem in the world?

'Fleas'
'Adam had 'em.'



submitted by Adrian Shkardoon

Rather than move a car into my kitchen, I decided to move the kitchen outside. I grabbed my desk and an assortment of kitchen table looking implements and positioned them around Kath's car. The old man hat was her idea. I needed to remove the brick wall in post to avoid it looking too much like an outdoor scene. The mug has real tea in it that I used to 'method act'. Thank to Kath for the use of her car, face and time.

'Dad, are we going straight home?'

'No son, we're going to turn some corners'

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