they say that when you spend enough | time together you end up finishing each other’s | sentences. mother fucker! i constantly feel like i’m in the middle of a sentence. |
happy thoughts. long and thick, happy thoughts. tyler, i’m... jesus h! so much blood! are you ok? what the hell happened?! nothing to be alarmed about. i’ll be fine. | i got sick of looking at your mother’s false teeth embedded in the bathroom windowsill so i tried to pry them off with a screwdriver. i slipped and cut myself ... off. that’s no small injury tyler ... so to speak, you should seek medical attention. | i can regrow my own penis thank you very much! fine, have it your way. so, no wieners for dinner then? ha. ha ... ow! |
you know how if you have rainforest in your back garden you have pixies at the bottom of it? yes,... if you’re six. | well we have a sand garden. yes?? | i think you should turn to the east and meet our new neighbour greetings heathen by allah |
you know what your problem is? oh, everyone wants to hear that as a prelude to constructive critisism. you’re not submissive enough? | oh, i’m sorry. is this better? mmmm. much better. | eeep! what do we say? i submit |
i’ve become a supporter of the ’intelligent design’ theory. the notion that evolution of the species was guided by a greater intelligence? i thought you hated that stuff. well, it doesn’t actually specify ’god’ as being the designer. | and so,... and so i’m proposing myself as the ’greater intelligence’. *sigh* and this has never been mentioned before because,...? | i work in,... mysterious ways!! i think you’re forgetting what the ’i’ in ’i.d’ stands for. |
when i was in highschool, my boyfriends would always smother me with gifts to show how much they loved me. did they smother you with their love too? filthy boy. | university was the same, my boyfriends would lavish me with expensive dinners and outings, although the smothering usually only involved whipped cream. alright! i get the hint. you’re feeling unloved and want some expensive smothering. i’ll be back. | just out of curiosity, where might my exorbitantly priced gift be coming from? pillowtalk. |
oh my god!! you know that boat trip we’re taking if i win the lottery? yeah? pack your bikini | i am,.... so happy! i love you, tyler i love you, kylie | monique i love you, monique fuck you, my darling! fuck you |