I turned 47 yesterday. To celebrate I had my car radio replaced. No more dodgy AV cable for me. It's Bluetooth compatible with my phone. Also the volume knob works correctly. My last volume knob would random go up or down when I twisted it. It was noise roulette.
I've been jumping up early and skipping the reddit/social media trap that I often fall into. Instead, I make a cup of tea and get straight to work. It really works for me. I end up getting the bulk of my day's work done by lunchtime. Really power through it. Then when the mid afternoon tiredness hits I can afford to chill out a bit.
I used to post constantly on Facebook. I've no idea what it was I thought was so vital to share with so many people. Now I'm challenged to keep this little pages alive and all I can think to write is... well... this.
I'm so exhausted today. My brain can't focus on anything. I had a big Saturday with a lot of socialising and a couple of emotionally challenging moments but surely I should have recovered for that by now. Am I really the old and easily fatigued these days?
There's a lot of death hanging around in my life at the moment. Two elderly relatives hang on by a thread. The Godfather of Impro passed away. My wife's old colleague lost her two children. It's almost St. Patrick's day which puts me in mind of a favourite teacher who passed within the last year.
It's almost all on the periphery but there's definitely a vibe that I am not on board with.
I have a surname that is fairly uncommon. I've stumbled upon it a mere handful of times outside of my direct family. And so it was with an enormous amount of shock that I was watching Enola Holmes 2 and a villainous policeman addressed one of his henchmen as 'Sergeant Beeston'. My delight is only tinged with the concern that someone was looking for an 1800s style surname that reflects a bone-headed thug and settled on my nom sans plume.
Some days you wake up feeling great. You launch into the work day and get heaps of stuff done. Other days you feel like trash. You feel so bad that you blow off the day. Take a reprieve. Treat yourself to some self care.
And then there are days like today. Where you feel like crap, but not crap enough to just bail. You almost want to convince yourself that you feel a little bit worse than you do to give yourself permission. But you can't. You just have to grit your teeth and do the damn work.