’twas the nght before christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring,
except for the angry wife stalking her husband with a shiny new axe after discovering her moisturiser had been replaced with...something else.
ow...honey i’m home!
he slurs drunkenly after staggering through the screen door...at 6am no less.
sweety, i can explain. i was out drinking with the boys when i met this hot chick and well, one thing led to another and we ended up going at it hammer and tong all night. i’m really sorry.
right...and my uncle noel doesn’t have carnal knowledge of animals. what really happened?
ok, ok. i was out drinking with the boys and after we got chucked out at closing time, they thought it would be a good idea to duct tape me to the nearest roundabout....again.
oh tyler, you could have at least put on clean underwear before you left yesterday.
i need a better hiding place for my invisibility potion don’t i?
what’s that smell?
you wanted me to burn you some madonna cds.
the cd writer makes that smell?
my madonna cds!!!!
whoopsie. silly tyler.
so, what elephants have the biggest ears? the indian elephant,..
have you ever seen ’reservoir dogs’ tyler?
you’re going to cut my ear off?
could be tyler. could be.
imagine an elephant version of reservoir dogs.
wow! you’d need, like, a chain saw.
yeah, one that could be operated without thumbs.
handy tip #407
when using hand tools of any variety (esp. hammers), put said tools down before any attempt at swatting.
uh..tyler, are you ok?
guess what all the cool kids are drinking these days?
i don’t care.
jagermeister. that stuff is soo cool, you can’t be cool unless you’re drinking... jagermeister.
with all the advertisments, competitions and pub sluts, it is no wonder that jagermeister is the essence of cool.
prithee mr cool, may i assume you have purchased a quantity of this wondrous beverage?
i’m drinking it right now, mmmm mmm, yeah baby!
frankly, i fail to see how my vast repository of cool could possibly grow by me drinking the fetid concentrate of warthog diarrhoea.
i’m afraid your coolness quotient has dropped below any quatifiable means.