Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sand Garden 2 '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: for the last time, go and rake the friggin’ sand garden.
:Tyler says: fine!
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: *gnnt*,.. *gasp*,.. for the love of,.. *hnnt*,... stupid,..
:Tyler says from offstage: crap! *hnnt*,... bugger!!,...
:Tyler says from offstage: *clank*,... piss!!!,...
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: dog biting,... *grunt*,.. chalk biter,.. towel sucking!!!,..
:Tyler says from offstage: *clunk* piss wanker!!,.. *shoove* cock goblins!!!
:Monigue says: zen, tyler. zen.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fun with words '
written by
Dan
innocent naivety
:Monigue says: where pants?!!
:Tyler says: there’re pants?
,Tyler query.,Monique shock.
resignation
:Monigue says: wear pants!
:Tyler says: here! pants!
,Tyler angry.,Monique angry.
full moon
:Tyler says: were-pants!!
:Monigue says: hear pants?
,Tyler guilty.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' La la la la la la la '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: when i was a younger man, i thought joely richardson was the hottest woman alive, only because i thought emma thompson was too old for me.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: thinking out loud again was i? right...i’ll be in my bunk.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: la la la la la la la
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Getting it up '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: well, last night was a bit of waste of effort. what with you not being able to get it up
:Monigue says: *hee hee hee*
,Tyler silent.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: well, at least you know for sure that i wasn’t fantasizing about anyone else.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: *hee hee hee*
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' ...and where, is the Stumpy Bear? '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: the annual work hunting trip is coming up and because you always complain about the cold weather, i bought you a new jacket.
:Monigue says: i’d rather not go.
:Tyler says: as would i but the people i work for are scary and i don’t want to do anything that could damage their fragile psyche. why don’t you go try it on?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says from offstage: wow...i don’t believe i’ve ever said this before but it’s huge.
:Tyler says: yes, quite. the sales assistant said it would keep you alive in temperatures as low as 53 degrees kelvin so i asked her if the stripy one would keep you alive in temperatures as low as 53 degrees hobbes....
:Monigue says from offstage: very good dear, just one question.
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: why does the hood have it’s very own set of antlers?
:Tyler says: it’s aaah, a theme weekend.
:Monigue says from offstage: well, then you won’t mind wearing that lovely vest mother bought you for christmas, the one with the large bullseye on the back.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Gullible’s Travels '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: god, spare me.
:Tyler says: why? i mean...huh?
:Monigue says: there is going to be a ’buffy’ and ’firefly’ crossover movie. there will be no ’angel’ involvement due to, and i quote, "the wb are being ghey."
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: ohmygodthatissocool ican’twait oooomaybewe’llseesome kayleeandwillowaction ohyeah thatwouldbesooogood...
:Monigue says: llllloser.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
,Tyler angry.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Alien Saucer '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: have you ever been abducted by an alien saucer?
:Monigue says: wha,.. what??
,Tyler query.,Monique shock.
:Monigue says: what the hell kind of question is that?
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: it’s just that, if you were, i think they may have forgotten to remove the probe.
,Tyler query.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Overseas '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: well, what do you want me to do?
:Monigue says: maybe you can actually spend some money and take me on an overseas trip.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: well actually, you know the eiffel tower?
:Monigue says: *gasp* yes! of course!
,Tyler query.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: sit on it!
:Monigue says: nice
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Maps '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: two friggin’ hours late!!
:Monigue says: don’t blame me. you were the one who wouldn’t stop for directions.
:Tyler says: you were supposed to be reading the map.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: women aren’t inclined to reading maps, we’re more adapt at emotional problems.
:Tyler says: well, that just goes to show how very woeful women are at doing anything important.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: i don’t need a map to tell you where to go this time tyler.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Camera '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i think my camera might be broken.
:Tyler says: mmm?
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: oh, wait. that’s right. you’re just really ugly.
:Tyler says: mmm.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: hey!
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sleep '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: ,..and then she told marci that the baby wasn’t his and sue marched around there and she said that she wasn’t going to stand for any more of it and then jack (you remember jack?) he said the he,... he,.. *yawn*
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
thud!
:Monigue says: zzzzzzz
,Tyler news.,Monique headinhands.
:Tyler says: with monique dosed up on rohypnol i’ve got the chance to enjoy some peace and quiet.
:Monigue says: zzzzzzz
:Tyler says: hmm, i must be getting old. i remember a time when,...
,Tyler coffee.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Da Vinci '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: so? did you get to cast tim robbins for the part of ’robert langdon’ in the film version of ’the da vinci code’?
:Monigue says: your favorite book? your favorite actor? why what a precious gift that would be from me to you. actually we got ’tom hanks’ to play the role.
,Tyler query.,Monique coffee.
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: yes, i really hate you that much.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Dan Brown Bites '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: frozen urine can kill you.
:Monigue says: orange urine may, yes.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: doubtful as red lizards.
:Monigue says: idiot nose goblin.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' T-Rex '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: oh, my back. oh, i need a back rub!
:Monigue says: ooooooooooooooh!
:Tyler says: oh for the love of,... fine i’ll go get some massage oil.
,Tyler talk.,Monique headinhands.
:Monigue says: yay!
:Tyler says from offstage: it’s times like these that i wish i was a tyrannosaurus rex.
:Monigue says: what? why?
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
:Tyler says from offstage: tiny vestigal arms. can’t give back rubs.
:Monigue says: plus the whole, biting me in half if i give you any lip.
:Tyler says from offstage: i wish, i wish i was a tyrannosaurus rex.
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Cosmetic Surgery '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: do you think my appearance could benefit from cosmetic surgery?
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: that depends. do you mean that you’d have your thighs done?
,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: or that everyone else would have their eyelids sewn shut?
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Snake Charming '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i was thinking of doing a tafe course in hairdressing but check this out. snake charming!
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: well for you they’re one and the same aren’t they?
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
and then she turned him to stone.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Angels '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: do you believe in angels?
,Tyler silent.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: no, i really don’t.
:Monigue says: then the kitchen is on fire.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says from offstage: my steak!! it’s ruined!!
:Monigue says: i believe in angels.
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Chinese New Year '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: big things are coming for you, eh?
:Tyler says: wha? why?
,Tyler query.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: chinese new year.
year of the cock!
,Tyler silent.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: shh, listen closely. that’s the sound of no-one laughing.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Goat '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: have you ever eaten goat?
:Tyler says: with or without horns?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: what’s eating you?
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' What Year?! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: you look flustered, you haven’t actually been running have you?
:Tyler says from offstage: quickly, close the blinds! i hear footsteps, do you hear footsteps?
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: they switched your decaf at work again huh?
:Tyler says from offstage: it was awful, i was out the back but i could distinctly hear the guy ask for a ’phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range’ so i hightailed it out of there.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: idiot.
:Tyler says from offstage: i’m going to hide under the bed now. if anyone comes to the door, your name is ’sarah’
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fantastic Voyage '
written by
Goatlord
just what is paul robinson up to on the latest episode of super celebrity porn neighbours?
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: his elbow?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: ow...hurties
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Haimoo '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: all men are evil.
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: women are tools of satan.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: kitties are nice though.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Buy me a Hippo '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: i met a beautiful woman today who offered me one million dollars for one night with my husband.
:Tyler says: really?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: so...
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: ...so i shot her with my taser and had her taken away to the loony bin.
:Tyler says: nooooooooooo!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Valentine’s Day '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: cling wrap over the toilet, tyler?
:Tyler says: it’s the classics that are the best. happy valentine’s day.
,Tyler talk.,Monique angry.
:Monigue says: you’re thinking of april fool’s day.
:Tyler says: i always get those confused,..
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i wonder why.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Ordering a Pizza '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! hello, welcome to pizza hut. i’m annie, a robot that can understand english to make it easier for you to order. where would you like to pick up from?
:Tyler says from offstage: wishart
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! you have selected,.. ’warrick’. is this correct?
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: wishart!!
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! you have selected ’no’. where would you like to pickup from?
:Tyler says from offstage: oh for the love of,.. wishart!
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! you have selected ’active warhead’. is this correct?
:Tyler says from offstage: god damn,... waste of,... stupid,.!!!!
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! you have selected ’yes’.
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Mini '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i was thinking of buying myself a mini.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique guilty.
:Tyler says: yeah! sure! go ahead!
:Monigue says: really? cool!
,Tyler shock.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: i love those skirts.
:Monigue says: i thought i’d have to convince him to let me buy a new car.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Trial Delays '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: says here that michael jackson checked into a hospital yesterday.
:Monigue says: does it say why?
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: they’re calling it a "flu-like illness."
:Monigue says: oh, i see. i don’t suppose this means they’ll be putting his trial on hold?
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: guess so. say, i’m not feeling so well myself.
:Monigue says: you’re not getting out of tantric sex night that easily.
:Tyler says: no, really, i think i’m going to vomit.
,Tyler shock.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Questions of Origin '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: i’ve been wondering.are we australian, or are we american?
:Monigue says: hmm...
,Tyler query.,Monique query.
,Tyler silent.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: well?
:Monigue says: sorry, i was thinking about mel gibson.
,Tyler talk.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Night Sounds '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: singing!
:Monigue says: why are you so chipper this morning?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: admit it. last night, you made sounds you’ve never made before.
:Monigue says: ha.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: that you’ve heard, anyway.
,Tyler angry.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Underwear '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know i’ve,.. stopped wearing underwear.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: yes, i realised that.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: that’s why i’ve started wearing double.
,Tyler silent.,Monique news.
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