F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' I see Donkeys! '
written by
:Monigue says: do you believe in ghosts?
:Tyler says: do i...you’re joking right? isn’t that a part of the ’getting to know you’ phase of the relationship? how long have we been married? have i been mistaken in the belief that our ’honeymoon’ phase is looong over?
:Tyler says: you know what would be better than this? double shots of absinth...yeah...fuck yeah!
,Tyler angry.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: i only ask, as i was passing the liquor cabinet earlier and i thought i saw a ghost holding a donkey up on high, ready to beat the next person to come near said cabinet with said donkey. i just wanted a second opinion as to whether or not i was going mad.
:Tyler says from offstage: my dog has no nose!
:Monigue says: beware!
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: man this shit be good...i see donkeys!
:Monigue says: right, not going mad.
:Tyler says from offstage: the pain!!!!
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Pilot License '
written by
:Tyler says: i’ve been thinking about getting my pilot’s license.
:Monigue says from offstage: you want to fly an airplane?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: well, any mode of transport that gets me away from you, really.
,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: i can probably organise a canon.
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Do you see what I see? '
written by
:Monigue says: did you keep your optometrist appointment today?
:Tyler says: optometrist? why yes i did. he said there was nothing wrong and gave me a lollypop.
:Monigue says: did she now?
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: of course, i was a good little boy and all good little boys have to go aaaaand watch the cricket.
:Monigue says: you? cricket? hah! ok mr 20/20, who’s playing?
,Tyler guilty.,Monique query.
:Tyler says from offstage: geez! if you must know, it is a rather enthralling game between turkmenistan and, ah...austria.
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Thinking '
written by
:Monigue says: what are you thinking about?
:Tyler says: what? right now? it’s a bit weird. are you sure you want to know?
:Monigue says: yes, i really would.
,Tyler query.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: well,..
:Tyler says: if you were to cut someone, while they were still alive, from the stomach to the neck, should you cut up or down to avoid arterial spray?
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
and she never asked that question again and they were both happy.
,Tyler silent.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' And this little pig '
written by
:Tyler says: when i was a boy, there was a pig in the village who made a small thatched cottage out of straw.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: the villagers said it was ’bedevilled’ and burnt it at the stake.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: it was delicious.
:Monigue says: oh god, i wish work started earlier.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Irony '
written by
:Tyler says: when i was young, i was addicted to those ’your mamma so fat’ jokes. now i’m married to you i find it quite ironic.
:Monigue says: actually, it wouldn’t be ironic. if your mother was so concerned with your ’addiction’ that she turned to binge eating, that would be ironic.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: gee, thanks for that.
:Monigue says: any time you want me to point out your flaws just give me a call.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: now, is there anything else you’d like to know before i tear you a new anus?
:Tyler says: um, yes. just give me to time to put the question.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Almonds '
written by
:Tyler says: mmm, tasty coffee.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: did you know that cyanide tastes like almonds?
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: *bleuch!*
:Monigue says: of course, almonds taste like almonds also.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
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