my herb garden isn’t doing very well.
they say that plants benefit from being talked to.
alright you foliage sprouting, root spreading, slut of a weed!!! propergate like the filthy mud stained whore that you are!!!
i thought you’d asked the owner of the womb that spawned you to stop spying on us.
i did. what makes you think she hasn’t?
well, the pair of false teeth embedded in the windowsill of the upstairs bathroom was a bit of a giveaway.
that would explain the loud thud we heard last night.
so...how’s the invisibility potion then?
would you please clean the shower recess of the clumps of hair you lose in the morning?
it just means i’m more manly.
if you don’t do something about it, i certainly will.
if you want to find a way to stop my hair falling out, be my guest.
a few predictable days later.
oh god help!! someone replaced my shampoo with superglue and now my head is stuck to the nozzle. oh god!! i can’t turn the cold water off!!!!
i saw dave today, just a chance meeting in the street. it was surreal, he walked up to me to shake hands and i just drove my fist into his face. his limp body flew backwards and crashed with a sickening thud into the pavement.
dear god tyler! he was your best friend.
i know, i was horrified myself at the time, right up until i remembered a telling moment in our history.
he introduced us.
do you believe in ghosts?
do i...you’re joking right? isn’t that a part of the ’getting to know you’ phase of the relationship? how long have we been married? have i been mistaken in the belief that our ’honeymoon’ phase is looong over?
you know what would be better than this? double shots of absinth...yeah...fuck yeah!
i only ask, as i was passing the liquor cabinet earlier and i thought i saw a ghost holding a donkey up on high, ready to beat the next person to come near said cabinet with said donkey. i just wanted a second opinion as to whether or not i was going mad.
my dog has no nose!
man this shit be good...i see donkeys!
right, not going mad.
i’ve been thinking about getting my pilot’s license.
you want to fly an airplane?
well, any mode of transport that gets me away from you, really.
i can probably organise a canon.