would you like to watch a generic period film? oh, i hate those! why is it that whenever a women coughs, it ends up being the onset of a fatal illness. | what? you watch! a little *caff caff* 20 minutes in and you just know that she’ll be dropped into a hole 60 minutes later. | you have no heart. i mean, don’t these people have vitamin c? eat a frickin’ orange for god’s sake. i wish i could drop you into a hole. |
it says here that ignoring your partner is the most offensive thing you can do, out-ranking ’striking’, ’abusing’ and ’cursing’. |
my herb garden isn’t doing very well. they say that plants benefit from being talked to. | alright you foliage sprouting, root spreading, slut of a weed!!! propergate like the filthy mud stained whore that you are!!! |
hi. umm...hello. | i thought you’d asked the owner of the womb that spawned you to stop spying on us. i did. what makes you think she hasn’t? | well, the pair of false teeth embedded in the windowsill of the upstairs bathroom was a bit of a giveaway. that would explain the loud thud we heard last night. |
so...how’s the invisibility potion then? |
would you please clean the shower recess of the clumps of hair you lose in the morning? it just means i’m more manly. | if you don’t do something about it, i certainly will. if you want to find a way to stop my hair falling out, be my guest. | a few predictable days later. oh god help!! someone replaced my shampoo with superglue and now my head is stuck to the nozzle. oh god!! i can’t turn the cold water off!!!! aiiiiiiiiiiy!!!!! so manly. |
i saw dave today, just a chance meeting in the street. it was surreal, he walked up to me to shake hands and i just drove my fist into his face. his limp body flew backwards and crashed with a sickening thud into the pavement. dear god tyler! he was your best friend. i know, i was horrified myself at the time, right up until i remembered a telling moment in our history. | he introduced us. oh...that’s right...fucker. |