what would you do if i had an affair?
i’d build snowmen with joseph stalin.
that makes no sense!
it makes perfect sense. i’d have to be dead...
...and for someone else to sleep with you, hell would be under six feet of snow.
this coffee is awful. taste this.
no thank you.
who made it?
what did you use for a filter? a dirty sock?
your dirty sock, actually. maybe now you will remember to pick up filters after work.
at least it wasn’t your sock.
that was yesterday’s pot.
my dog has no nose.
...you don’t have a dog.
ok then, your dog has no nose.
beware the fetid donkey cheese! it consumes with a hitherto unknown passion for the art of kanly.
beware the wife with the hitherto unknown passion for dropping acid in her husband’s morning coffee.
yo yo yo my skanky ho!
i be keepin it real wit my gangsta homies aight! chilly willy, funky monkey, yo...da. biatch!
i think mr ps2 needs a nice, relaxing coffee bath.
here’s something interesting. today i knocked my ring against a window and i freaked that i’d be blamed for damage, but the window was fine.
in fact, it turns out that the stone in my ring now has a small scratch in it. i thought that diamond was the strongest substance there was.
what do you think that means?
in hindsight i would have bought talc.
am i beginning to lose some of my boyish good looks?
it’s like someone built a car out of ugly sticks,..
,..and then backed it over your head.