F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fondle Your Monkey Dags '
written by
:Monigue says: i went to the mall for lunch today and was stunned by the sheer number of pregnant teenagers.
:Tyler says: ah yes, only the stupid people are breeding. harvey danger knew the score.
:Monigue says: who?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: nevermind. perhaps the government should be handing out free televisions instead of cash incentives for recklessly increasing the national moron quotient.
:Monigue says: remind me to slap your mother. besides, i don’t think it would take the kids long to figure out they could do it doggie-style so they could both watch x-files.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: you listen to the bloodhound gang but don’t know who harvey danger is?
:Tyler says: so ... you wanna’ do it like they do on the discovery channel?
:Monigue says: foxtrot uniform charlie kilo oscar foxtrot foxtrot.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sentence '
written by
:Tyler says: they say that
:Monigue says: when you
:Tyler says: spend enough
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: time together you
:Tyler says: end up finishing
:Monigue says: each other’s
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: sentences.
:Tyler says: mother fucker!
:Monigue says: i constantly feel like i’m in the middle of a sentence.
,Tyler angry.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' No Wang Home '
written by
:Tyler says: happy thoughts. long and thick, happy thoughts.
:Monigue says from offstage: tyler, i’m... jesus h! so much blood! are you ok? what the hell happened?!
:Tyler says: nothing to be alarmed about. i’ll be fine.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: i got sick of looking at your mother’s false teeth embedded in the bathroom windowsill so i tried to pry them off with a screwdriver. i slipped and cut myself ... off.
:Monigue says: that’s no small injury tyler ... so to speak, you should seek medical attention.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i can regrow my own penis thank you very much!
:Monigue says: fine, have it your way. so, no wieners for dinner then?
:Tyler says: ha. ha ... ow!
,Tyler talk.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Pixies '
written by
:Tyler says: you know how if you have rainforest in your back garden you have pixies at the bottom of it?
:Monigue says: yes,... if you’re six.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: well we have a sand garden.
:Monigue says: yes??
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i think you should turn to the east and meet our new neighbour
:Monigue says from offstage: greetings heathen
:Monigue says: by allah
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Submission '
written by
:Tyler says: you know what your problem is?
:Monigue says: oh, everyone wants to hear that as a prelude to constructive critisism.
:Tyler says: you’re not submissive enough?
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: oh, i’m sorry. is this better?
:Tyler says: mmmm. much better.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: eeep!
:Monigue says: what do we say?
:Tyler says: i submit
,Tyler shock.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Intelligent Design '
written by
:Tyler says: i’ve become a supporter of the ’intelligent design’ theory.
:Monigue says: the notion that evolution of the species was guided by a greater intelligence? i thought you hated that stuff.
:Tyler says: well, it doesn’t actually specify ’god’ as being the designer.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: and so,...
:Tyler says: and so i’m proposing myself as the ’greater intelligence’.
:Monigue says: *sigh* and this has never been mentioned before because,...?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i work in,...
mysterious ways!!
:Monigue says: i think you’re forgetting what the ’i’ in ’i.d’ stands for.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A Gift Like No Other '
written by
:Monigue says: when i was in highschool, my boyfriends would always smother me with gifts to show how much they loved me.
:Tyler says: did they smother you with their love too?
:Monigue says: filthy boy.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: university was the same, my boyfriends would lavish me with expensive dinners and outings, although the smothering usually only involved whipped cream.
:Tyler says: alright! i get the hint. you’re feeling unloved and want some expensive smothering. i’ll be back.
,Tyler angry.,Monique slygrin.
:Monigue says: just out of curiosity, where might my exorbitantly priced gift be coming from?
:Tyler says from offstage: pillowtalk.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
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