F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' With a capital ’T’ '
written by
:Tyler says: i’ve decided my life needs a voice-over.
:Monigue says: you want a voice-over?
:Tyler says: yeah, like they had in old detective serials, something like...
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
’trouble’ was tyler’s middle name and just like that hooker’s face, he kept coming across it.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: i’m judging you.
:Tyler says: you’re just jealous.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fondle Your Monkey Dags '
written by
:Monigue says: i went to the mall for lunch today and was stunned by the sheer number of pregnant teenagers.
:Tyler says: ah yes, only the stupid people are breeding. harvey danger knew the score.
:Monigue says: who?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: nevermind. perhaps the government should be handing out free televisions instead of cash incentives for recklessly increasing the national moron quotient.
:Monigue says: remind me to slap your mother. besides, i don’t think it would take the kids long to figure out they could do it doggie-style so they could both watch x-files.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: you listen to the bloodhound gang but don’t know who harvey danger is?
:Tyler says: so ... you wanna’ do it like they do on the discovery channel?
:Monigue says: foxtrot uniform charlie kilo oscar foxtrot foxtrot.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sentence '
written by
:Tyler says: they say that
:Monigue says: when you
:Tyler says: spend enough
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: time together you
:Tyler says: end up finishing
:Monigue says: each other’s
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: sentences.
:Tyler says: mother fucker!
:Monigue says: i constantly feel like i’m in the middle of a sentence.
,Tyler angry.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' No Wang Home '
written by
:Tyler says: happy thoughts. long and thick, happy thoughts.
:Monigue says from offstage: tyler, i’m... jesus h! so much blood! are you ok? what the hell happened?!
:Tyler says: nothing to be alarmed about. i’ll be fine.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: i got sick of looking at your mother’s false teeth embedded in the bathroom windowsill so i tried to pry them off with a screwdriver. i slipped and cut myself ... off.
:Monigue says: that’s no small injury tyler ... so to speak, you should seek medical attention.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i can regrow my own penis thank you very much!
:Monigue says: fine, have it your way. so, no wieners for dinner then?
:Tyler says: ha. ha ... ow!
,Tyler talk.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Pixies '
written by
:Tyler says: you know how if you have rainforest in your back garden you have pixies at the bottom of it?
:Monigue says: yes,... if you’re six.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: well we have a sand garden.
:Monigue says: yes??
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i think you should turn to the east and meet our new neighbour
:Monigue says from offstage: greetings heathen
:Monigue says: by allah
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Submission '
written by
:Tyler says: you know what your problem is?
:Monigue says: oh, everyone wants to hear that as a prelude to constructive critisism.
:Tyler says: you’re not submissive enough?
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: oh, i’m sorry. is this better?
:Tyler says: mmmm. much better.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: eeep!
:Monigue says: what do we say?
:Tyler says: i submit
,Tyler shock.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Intelligent Design '
written by
:Tyler says: i’ve become a supporter of the ’intelligent design’ theory.
:Monigue says: the notion that evolution of the species was guided by a greater intelligence? i thought you hated that stuff.
:Tyler says: well, it doesn’t actually specify ’god’ as being the designer.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: and so,...
:Tyler says: and so i’m proposing myself as the ’greater intelligence’.
:Monigue says: *sigh* and this has never been mentioned before because,...?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i work in,...
mysterious ways!!
:Monigue says: i think you’re forgetting what the ’i’ in ’i.d’ stands for.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A Gift Like No Other '
written by
:Monigue says: when i was in highschool, my boyfriends would always smother me with gifts to show how much they loved me.
:Tyler says: did they smother you with their love too?
:Monigue says: filthy boy.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: university was the same, my boyfriends would lavish me with expensive dinners and outings, although the smothering usually only involved whipped cream.
:Tyler says: alright! i get the hint. you’re feeling unloved and want some expensive smothering. i’ll be back.
,Tyler angry.,Monique slygrin.
:Monigue says: just out of curiosity, where might my exorbitantly priced gift be coming from?
:Tyler says from offstage: pillowtalk.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Cruise '
written by
Dan and Goatlord
:Tyler says: oh my god!! you know that boat trip we’re taking if i win the lottery?
:Monigue says: yeah?
:Tyler says: pack your bikini
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: i am,....
so happy!
:Monigue says: i love you, tyler
:Tyler says: i love you, kylie
,Tyler boat.,Monique boat.
:Monigue says: monique
:Tyler says: i love you, monique
:Monigue says: fuck you, my darling!
fuck you
,Tyler end.,Monique end.
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