in saudi arabia, did you know that it is legal to skin your neighbour’s children if they cannot recite the entirety of the koran on command? | you are such a liar. am not. | are so. uh-ah. |
i see you bought yourself the alfred hitchcock collection. i watched psycho. it gave me some great ideas. | ho ho ho. well, as fun as this is, don’t you have work? good point, i’m going,.. heh,. hitch cock! | i wonder if he’ll realise which movie i got my ideas from when he discovers i’ve sewn bird seed into his pants lining. ieeeeeyyyyy!!!! not a worm,.. not a worm!!! heh,.. cock,.. |
what’s today? you do not know?! | i was thinking tuesday but it could be wednesday, it kinda feels like a wednesday to me. how can she not know? | dear child, let me break this to you gently, today is devour simian foeti day! i think there’s an arm band or something. nope, the calendar says it’s a tuesday. |
tyler, i want to move. brisbane no longer does it for me, the idiocy rate is unacceptably high. i think you’ll find there’s quite a bit of that going ’round lately. | how about naples or perhaps chamonix? they’re supposed to be wonderful all year. yes but they’re full of foreigners. | fine, what about tasmania? it’s still part of australia. we do have the same last name i suppose. |
happy birfday to me. happy birfday to me. happy birfday dear ... meeeeeeee. happy birfday to me. woooooo! | what the ... tyler, it’s only 7am and you’re already three sheets to the wind! ish ma birfday. fine! happy birthday. i’m off to work. | eeexcelent. ish now time for the watching of da boobies and wearing of frozen cupcakes upon the forehead. lick my frozen monkey nodules! |
the pain! what happened to you? i was riding my bicycle down the street, playing my psp, the next thing i know i’m lying flat on my back and my face hurts. | you were involved in an accident because you were doing something dumb? interesting. i wasn’t involved in the crash. the guy who swerved off the road chased me down and punched me. i ... when did you get a bicycle? | i forgot where i parked my car so i had to walk home. there was a bicycle chained up outside the school that no one was using so... oh, like you wouldn’t have done the same. |
shouuk! shouuk! shouuk! shouuk! slam! | your turn,.. don’t you want to know what i’ve been doing? i’ve stopped asking about the horrifying noises that come from the bathroom when you’re in there. anyway, i need to shower. | whoooosh!! my clothes!! if you’d asked i could have told you how much effort it is to create a vacuum in a room of the house. |