hello? am i comin’ to practice? fo’ shizzle s-bear. ’cow man 7’ will ride again! | yeah, i’m walking. we just got these new cordless phones. they can be used anywhere in the house, they’re great. tyler don’t take it in there ... tyler! | ahhh. where am i now? let’s just say it’s a relief to have access to such a technological convenience. s-bear? monique, i just lost my call. i don’t think the phones work in here. oh, i’m sure they do ... grot. |
i think our house is haunted. too much tv for you, young man. | no, seriously. something keeps turning things off. like what? | well, first it turned off my sex life, then my love for you, then my will to live. now it just has to turn off your mouth. |
we should go on holidays...to somewhere maybe in europe. | now why should we do that?? sounds like a waste of money to me! it says here that paris has the best nude beaches in the world. | i’ll get the keys! i knew you would see it my way. |
"fur is murder," right? yes. | what if i was to remove and wear the skins of people who buy fur? is that murder? generally speaking, yes. | oh, that’s no fun. ’fraid not. |
bzzzzttttt!!! aaaaaaaarrgh!!!! | diiiiid,... yoouuuuu,... earth,.... miiiiiy,... hair-dryeeeerrr,.. afteeeeeer,.. yoooooou,.... rewirreed,... it,...? yes, of course. whaaaaaat,... wiiiiith?? | my wife. shuuut,... iiit,... ooooff,.. yoooou,.. priiiiick !! |
serenity comes out tomorrow. glee! didn’t you mention your boss wanted you to stay back late tomorrow to finish off those tps reports? | fuck. | fuck! |
chilli sauce!! why are you so excited about,... | *cough* *gag* *cough!* | aaaaaaaagh!!!!! chilli sauce!!! |
i crave the flesh of humans! wha... cravings?! oh no! monique, you’re not pregnant are you?! | i am not monique. i am unicron, devourer of worlds. i crave the flesh of humans! | aaaaaaaaaahhhh .... hey, wait a minute... tool. |
*puff* *gasp* what’s with you? i just travelled back from the past where i killed your grandfather before he could conceive you. | by the way, it turns out, your grandma’s a slut. |
wow! it says here on e! news live that george w. bush is going to marry paris hilton. everything on that show is made up and only stupid people believe them. | lies! you speak lies! did you know the network is changing the show’s name to gullible! news live. | what?! but the name makes up 50% of the show! i rest my case. |
nope, this blows. i was enjoying it. |
tyler! if you don’t get up soon, you’ll be late for work. i’m sleeping in. i don’t feel like going in today. | you bastard! you’ve been messing with my pda again, it’s saturday! heh. |
ha ha ha ha ha ha | then they asked- -when we were having kids, i know! | ha ha ha ha ha ha |
agh!! jesus!! what the hell is that??!! | i replaced the old dvd player. but,. wha,.. so??!! | this one has a zoom function!! eeeewwwww!!!! and i thought it was big before,.. |
i played lawn bowls with my friends last night. how do you play that one? you have to try to roll your weighted bowl and get it closest to the jack. | i’ve played a game like that,.. mmmm,... | except that you had to get your "jack" closest to the,... leaving now!! |
"my dog stains are in you thanking"?! what the hell does that even mean? i’m sure the ’translators’ are just pulling the piss. | pulling the piss? y’know: having a lend; pulling your leg; to come a wry one? | and what language are you translating that from? |
why the hell is there a pentagram sculpted in the sand garden? i was trying to summon a demon of hell to serve my earthly desires. | an excellent use of a saturday afternoon. speaking of which, did you do the washing up like i asked you? | finished!! yup. |
mmm, i just spent an afternoon playing burnout: revenge with s-bear. so very cool. why can’t you have any grown up hobbies? video games are for children. | hmmm? yes. i was going to get a psp but the graphics for the xbox were great. conundrum! but of course! there is a version of burnout available for the psp. my peepee senses are tingling! | don’t you mean your psp senses? psp senses? don’t be daft. ew ... why do i bother? |
tyler, you’ve been spending a lot of time on that psp of yours. revenge! ... mm? | quick question: what does your psp and your pp have in common? whoopah! | they’re both handheld and fit easily inside my purse. reven... what?! |
behold! through meditation i have achieved enlightenment. my consciousness rose to the highest of planes; i basked in its glory, and found that it was cheese. meditate, you? | the experience was akin to floating in a giant fondue, filled with infinity. i thought you said it was made from- | yes, and in this highest of realms, infinity itself, is made, from cheese! |
they killed wash. | so, you didn’t like serenity? | best movie ever! geek. |
he’s so dreamy,.. why, thank you. | not you! ash mccloud from that new show. you know, he’s not a real actor,.. he just plays one on tv. | what? you heard me. |
i just finished stephen hawking’s a brief history of time. i was surprised at how much i thought i understood. the guy in the wheelchair who dumped his loyal wife and shacked up with a hot nurse? funny. | please, let us bypass the adult conversation and head directly to the childish banter. sure, ok. you’re just jealous that you could never pick up women as hot as the ones a guy with motor neuron disease can. | ha ha, you said ... *sigh* ass. so, what was this "adult conversation" thing you mentioned earlier? |
in saudi arabia, did you know that it is legal to skin your neighbour’s children if they cannot recite the entirety of the koran on command? | you are such a liar. am not. | are so. uh-ah. |
i see you bought yourself the alfred hitchcock collection. i watched psycho. it gave me some great ideas. | ho ho ho. well, as fun as this is, don’t you have work? good point, i’m going,.. heh,. hitch cock! | i wonder if he’ll realise which movie i got my ideas from when he discovers i’ve sewn bird seed into his pants lining. ieeeeeyyyyy!!!! not a worm,.. not a worm!!! heh,.. cock,.. |
what’s today? you do not know?! | i was thinking tuesday but it could be wednesday, it kinda feels like a wednesday to me. how can she not know? | dear child, let me break this to you gently, today is devour simian foeti day! i think there’s an arm band or something. nope, the calendar says it’s a tuesday. |
tyler, i want to move. brisbane no longer does it for me, the idiocy rate is unacceptably high. i think you’ll find there’s quite a bit of that going ’round lately. | how about naples or perhaps chamonix? they’re supposed to be wonderful all year. yes but they’re full of foreigners. | fine, what about tasmania? it’s still part of australia. we do have the same last name i suppose. |
happy birfday to me. happy birfday to me. happy birfday dear ... meeeeeeee. happy birfday to me. woooooo! | what the ... tyler, it’s only 7am and you’re already three sheets to the wind! ish ma birfday. fine! happy birthday. i’m off to work. | eeexcelent. ish now time for the watching of da boobies and wearing of frozen cupcakes upon the forehead. lick my frozen monkey nodules! |
the pain! what happened to you? i was riding my bicycle down the street, playing my psp, the next thing i know i’m lying flat on my back and my face hurts. | you were involved in an accident because you were doing something dumb? interesting. i wasn’t involved in the crash. the guy who swerved off the road chased me down and punched me. i ... when did you get a bicycle? | i forgot where i parked my car so i had to walk home. there was a bicycle chained up outside the school that no one was using so... oh, like you wouldn’t have done the same. |
shouuk! shouuk! shouuk! shouuk! slam! | your turn,.. don’t you want to know what i’ve been doing? i’ve stopped asking about the horrifying noises that come from the bathroom when you’re in there. anyway, i need to shower. | whoooosh!! my clothes!! if you’d asked i could have told you how much effort it is to create a vacuum in a room of the house. |