Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Technological Convenience '
written by
Goatlord
phone says!
:Tyler says: hello? am i comin’ to practice? fo’ shizzle s-bear. ’cow man 7’ will ride again!
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says from offstage: yeah, i’m walking. we just got these new cordless phones. they can be used anywhere in the house, they’re great.
:Monigue says: tyler don’t take it in there ... tyler!
,Tyler none.,Monique angry.
:Tyler says from offstage: ahhh. where am i now? let’s just say it’s a relief to have access to such a technological convenience. s-bear?
:Tyler says from offstage: monique, i just lost my call. i don’t think the phones work in here.
:Monigue says: oh, i’m sure they do ... grot.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Peek-A-Boo '
written by
Stumpybear
:Tyler says: i think our house is haunted.
:Monigue says: too much tv for you, young man.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: no, seriously. something keeps turning things off.
:Monigue says: like what?
,Tyler guilty.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: well, first it turned off my sex life, then my love for you, then my will to live.
:Monigue says: now it just has to turn off your mouth.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Weapons of Mass Distraction '
written by
Stumpybear
:Monigue says: we should go on holidays...to somewhere maybe in europe.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: now why should we do that?? sounds like a waste of money to me!
:Monigue says: it says here that paris has the best nude beaches in the world.
,Tyler angry.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: i’ll get the keys!
:Monigue says: i knew you would see it my way.
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Society is to Blame '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: "fur is murder," right?
:Monigue says: yes.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: what if i was to remove and wear the skins of people who buy fur? is that murder?
:Monigue says: generally speaking, yes.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: oh, that’s no fun.
:Monigue says: ’fraid not.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Electric '
written by
Dan
bzzzzttttt!!!
:Monigue says from offstage: aaaaaaaarrgh!!!!
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: diiiiid,... yoouuuuu,... earth,.... miiiiiy,... hair-dryeeeerrr,.. afteeeeeer,.. yoooooou,.... rewirreed,... it,...?
:Tyler says: yes, of course.
:Monigue says from offstage: whaaaaaat,... wiiiiith??
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: my wife.
:Monigue says from offstage: shuuut,... iiit,... ooooff,.. yoooou,.. priiiiick !!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Joss Whedon is my Master Now '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: serenity comes out tomorrow. glee!
:Monigue says: didn’t you mention your boss wanted you to stay back late tomorrow to finish off those tps reports?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: fuck.
,Tyler shock.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: fuck!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Chilli Sauce '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: chilli sauce!!
:Monigue says: why are you so excited about,...
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: *cough* *gag* *cough!*
,Tyler silent.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says from offstage: aaaaaaaagh!!!!!
:Tyler says: chilli sauce!!!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Chilled Monkey Brains '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: i crave the flesh of humans!
:Tyler says: wha... cravings?! oh no! monique, you’re not pregnant are you?!
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: i am not monique. i am unicron, devourer of worlds. i crave the flesh of humans!
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: aaaaaaaaaahhhh .... hey, wait a minute...
:Monigue says: tool.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Time Travel '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: *puff* *gasp*
:Monigue says: what’s with you?
:Tyler says: i just travelled back from the past where i killed your grandfather before he could conceive you.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique coffee.
,Tyler silent.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: by the way, it turns out, your grandma’s a slut.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The name of the game. '
written by
Stumpybear
:Tyler says from offstage: wow! it says here on e! news live that george w. bush is going to marry paris hilton.
:Monigue says: everything on that show is made up and only stupid people believe them.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: lies! you speak lies!
:Monigue says: did you know the network is changing the show’s name to gullible! news live.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: what?! but the name makes up 50% of the show!
:Monigue says: i rest my case.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Silence is Golden '
written by
Goatlord
,Tyler silent.,Monique news.,Tyler silent.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: nope, this blows.
:Monigue says: i was enjoying it.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Up, Up & PDA! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: tyler! if you don’t get up soon, you’ll be late for work.
:Tyler says from offstage: i’m sleeping in. i don’t feel like going in today.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
:Monigue says: you bastard! you’ve been messing with my pda again, it’s saturday!
:Tyler says from offstage: heh.
,Tyler none.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' At you, not with you. '
written by
Goatlord
ha ha ha
ha ha ha
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique headinhands.
:Tyler says: then they asked-
:Monigue says: -when we were having kids, i know!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique slygrin.
ha ha ha
ha ha ha
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Zoom '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: agh!! jesus!! what the hell is that??!!
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says from offstage: i replaced the old dvd player.
:Monigue says: but,. wha,.. so??!!
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says from offstage: this one has a zoom function!!
:Monigue says: eeeewwwww!!!!
:Tyler says from offstage: and i thought it was big before,..
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Bowls '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i played lawn bowls with my friends last night.
:Tyler says: how do you play that one?
:Monigue says: you have to try to roll your weighted bowl and get it closest to the jack.
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: i’ve played a game like that,..
:Monigue says: mmmm,...
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: except that you had to get your "jack" closest to the,...
:Monigue says from offstage: leaving now!!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Hauling Urine '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: "my dog stains are in you thanking"?!
:Tyler says: what the hell does that even mean? i’m sure the ’translators’ are just pulling the piss.
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: pulling the piss?
:Tyler says: y’know: having a lend; pulling your leg; to come a wry one?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: and what language are you translating that from?
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Signs '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: why the hell is there a pentagram sculpted in the sand garden?
:Tyler says: i was trying to summon a demon of hell to serve my earthly desires.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: an excellent use of a saturday afternoon.
:Monigue says: speaking of which, did you do the washing up like i asked you?
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says from offstage: finished!!
:Tyler says: yup.
,Tyler news.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' PSP: Part Un '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: mmm, i just spent an afternoon playing burnout: revenge with s-bear. so very cool.
:Monigue says: why can’t you have any grown up hobbies? video games are for children.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: hmmm? yes. i was going to get a psp but the graphics for the xbox were great. conundrum!
:Tyler says: but of course! there is a version of burnout available for the psp. my peepee senses are tingling!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: don’t you mean your psp senses?
:Tyler says: psp senses? don’t be daft.
:Monigue says: ew ... why do i bother?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' PSP: Part Deux '
written by
Stumpybear
:Monigue says: tyler, you’ve been spending a lot of time on that psp of yours.
:Tyler says: revenge! ... mm?
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: quick question: what does your psp and your pp have in common?
:Tyler says: whoopah!
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: they’re both handheld and fit easily inside my purse.
:Tyler says: reven... what?!
,Tyler query.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Made, from cheese! '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: behold! through meditation i have achieved enlightenment. my consciousness rose to the highest of planes; i basked in its glory, and found that it was cheese.
:Monigue says: meditate, you?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: the experience was akin to floating in a giant fondue, filled with infinity.
:Monigue says: i thought you said it was made from-
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: yes, and in this highest of realms, infinity itself, is
made, from cheese!
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A Leaf on the Wind '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: they killed wash.
,Tyler shock.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: so, you didn’t like serenity?
,Tyler shock.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: best movie ever!
:Monigue says: geek.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Actors '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: he’s so dreamy,..
:Tyler says: why, thank you.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique slygrin.
:Monigue says: not you! ash mccloud from that new show.
:Tyler says: you know, he’s not a real actor,.. he just plays one on tv.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: what?
:Tyler says: you heard me.
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A Brief History of Shut-the-Hell-Up '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: i just finished stephen hawking’s a brief history of time. i was surprised at how much i thought i understood.
:Tyler says: the guy in the wheelchair who dumped his loyal wife and shacked up with a hot nurse? funny.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: please, let us bypass the adult conversation and head directly to the childish banter.
:Tyler says: sure, ok.
:Monigue says: you’re just jealous that you could never pick up women as hot as the ones a guy with motor neuron disease can.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: ha ha, you said ... *sigh*
:Monigue says: ass.
:Tyler says: so, what was this "adult conversation" thing you mentioned earlier?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' You want lies with that? '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: in saudi arabia, did you know that it is legal to skin your neighbour’s children if they cannot recite the entirety of the koran on command?
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: you are such a liar.
:Tyler says: am not.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: are so.
:Tyler says: uh-ah.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Cheep Gag '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i see you bought yourself the alfred hitchcock collection.
:Tyler says: i watched psycho. it gave me some great ideas.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: ho ho ho. well, as fun as this is, don’t you have work?
:Tyler says: good point, i’m going,.. heh,. hitch cock!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: i wonder if he’ll realise which movie i got my ideas from when he discovers i’ve sewn bird seed into his pants lining.
:Tyler says from offstage: ieeeeeyyyyy!!!! not a worm,.. not a worm!!!
:Monigue says: heh,.. cock,..
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Please support DSF day. '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: what’s today?
:Tyler says: you do not know?!
,Tyler shock.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: i was thinking tuesday but it could be wednesday, it kinda feels like a wednesday to me.
:Tyler says: how can she not know?
,Tyler guilty.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: dear child, let me break this to you gently, today is
devour simian foeti day!
i think there’s an arm band or something.
:Monigue says from offstage: nope, the calendar says it’s a tuesday.
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Deliver Ants '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: tyler, i want to move. brisbane no longer does it for me, the idiocy rate is unacceptably high.
:Tyler says: i think you’ll find there’s quite a bit of that going ’round lately.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: how about naples or perhaps chamonix? they’re supposed to be wonderful all year.
:Tyler says: yes but they’re full of foreigners.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: fine, what about tasmania? it’s still part of australia.
:Tyler says: we do have the same last name i suppose.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Alcohol: Breakfast of Champions '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: happy birfday to me. happy birfday to me. happy birfday dear ... meeeeeeee. happy birfday to me. woooooo!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
:Monigue says: what the ... tyler, it’s only 7am and you’re already three sheets to the wind!
:Tyler says: ish ma birfday.
:Monigue says: fine! happy birthday. i’m off to work.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: eeexcelent. ish now time for the watching of da boobies and wearing of frozen cupcakes upon the forehead.
lick my frozen monkey nodules!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' GTA: Tales from Dickheadsville '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: the pain!
:Monigue says: what happened to you?
:Tyler says: i was riding my bicycle down the street, playing my psp, the next thing i know i’m lying flat on my back and my face hurts.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: you were involved in an accident because you were doing something dumb? interesting.
:Tyler says: i wasn’t involved in the crash. the guy who swerved off the road chased me down and punched me.
:Monigue says: i ... when did you get a bicycle?
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i forgot where i parked my car so i had to walk home. there was a bicycle chained up outside the school that no one was using so...
:Tyler says: oh, like you wouldn’t have done the same.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Suck '
written by
Dan
shouuk! shouuk!
shouuk! shouuk!
slam!
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: your turn,.. don’t you want to know what i’ve been doing?
:Monigue says: i’ve stopped asking about the horrifying noises that come from the bathroom when you’re in there. anyway, i need to shower.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
whoooosh!!
:Monigue says from offstage: my clothes!!
:Tyler says: if you’d asked i could have told you how much effort it is to create a vacuum in a room of the house.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique none.
Prev 100Prev 30Prev 7Prev DayNext DayNext 7Next 30Next 100
First ComicArchiveToday's ComicInvisible Spiders