hello, is this the tyler-monique residence?
we need you to come collect your intoxicated husband from the local police station.
he was found asking a tree for sex, and claiming to be "the lizard queen".
*sigh* again? i’ll bring the cage...
hello? am i comin’ to practice? fo’ shizzle s-bear. ’cow man 7’ will ride again!
yeah, i’m walking. we just got these new cordless phones. they can be used anywhere in the house, they’re great.
tyler don’t take it in there ... tyler!
ahhh. where am i now? let’s just say it’s a relief to have access to such a technological convenience. s-bear?
monique, i just lost my call. i don’t think the phones work in here.
oh, i’m sure they do ... grot.
i think our house is haunted.
too much tv for you, young man.
no, seriously. something keeps turning things off.
well, first it turned off my sex life, then my love for you, then my will to live.
now it just has to turn off your mouth.
we should go on holidays...to somewhere maybe in europe.
now why should we do that?? sounds like a waste of money to me!
it says here that paris has the best nude beaches in the world.
i’ll get the keys!
i knew you would see it my way.
"fur is murder," right?
what if i was to remove and wear the skins of people who buy fur? is that murder?
generally speaking, yes.
oh, that’s no fun.
diiiiid,... yoouuuuu,... earth,.... miiiiiy,... hair-dryeeeerrr,.. afteeeeeer,.. yoooooou,.... rewirreed,... it,...?
yes, of course.
shuuut,... iiit,... ooooff,.. yoooou,.. priiiiick !!
serenity comes out tomorrow. glee!
didn’t you mention your boss wanted you to stay back late tomorrow to finish off those tps reports?
why are you so excited about,...
*cough* *gag* *cough!*
i crave the flesh of humans!
wha... cravings?! oh no! monique, you’re not pregnant are you?!
i am not monique. i am unicron, devourer of worlds. i crave the flesh of humans!
aaaaaaaaaahhhh .... hey, wait a minute...
what’s with you?
i just travelled back from the past where i killed your grandfather before he could conceive you.
by the way, it turns out, your grandma’s a slut.
wow! it says here on e! news live that george w. bush is going to marry paris hilton.
everything on that show is made up and only stupid people believe them.
lies! you speak lies!
did you know the network is changing the show’s name to gullible! news live.
what?! but the name makes up 50% of the show!
i rest my case.
nope, this blows.
i was enjoying it.
tyler! if you don’t get up soon, you’ll be late for work.
i’m sleeping in. i don’t feel like going in today.
you bastard! you’ve been messing with my pda again, it’s saturday!
ha ha ha
ha ha ha
then they asked-
-when we were having kids, i know!
ha ha ha
ha ha ha
agh!! jesus!! what the hell is that??!!
i replaced the old dvd player.
but,. wha,.. so??!!
this one has a zoom function!!
and i thought it was big before,..
i played lawn bowls with my friends last night.
how do you play that one?
you have to try to roll your weighted bowl and get it closest to the jack.
i’ve played a game like that,..
except that you had to get your "jack" closest to the,...
"my dog stains are in you thanking"?!
what the hell does that even mean? i’m sure the ’translators’ are just pulling the piss.
pulling the piss?
y’know: having a lend; pulling your leg; to come a wry one?
and what language are you translating that from?
why the hell is there a pentagram sculpted in the sand garden?
i was trying to summon a demon of hell to serve my earthly desires.
an excellent use of a saturday afternoon.
speaking of which, did you do the washing up like i asked you?
mmm, i just spent an afternoon playing burnout: revenge with s-bear. so very cool.
why can’t you have any grown up hobbies? video games are for children.
hmmm? yes. i was going to get a psp but the graphics for the xbox were great. conundrum!
but of course! there is a version of burnout available for the psp. my peepee senses are tingling!
don’t you mean your psp senses?
psp senses? don’t be daft.
ew ... why do i bother?
tyler, you’ve been spending a lot of time on that psp of yours.
revenge! ... mm?
quick question: what does your psp and your pp have in common?
they’re both handheld and fit easily inside my purse.
behold! through meditation i have achieved enlightenment. my consciousness rose to the highest of planes; i basked in its glory, and found that it was cheese.
the experience was akin to floating in a giant fondue, filled with infinity.
i thought you said it was made from-
yes, and in this highest of realms, infinity itself, is
made, from cheese!
they killed wash.
so, you didn’t like serenity?
best movie ever!
he’s so dreamy,..
why, thank you.
not you! ash mccloud from that new show.
you know, he’s not a real actor,.. he just plays one on tv.
you heard me.
i just finished stephen hawking’s a brief history of time. i was surprised at how much i thought i understood.
the guy in the wheelchair who dumped his loyal wife and shacked up with a hot nurse? funny.
please, let us bypass the adult conversation and head directly to the childish banter.
you’re just jealous that you could never pick up women as hot as the ones a guy with motor neuron disease can.
ha ha, you said ... *sigh*
so, what was this "adult conversation" thing you mentioned earlier?
in saudi arabia, did you know that it is legal to skin your neighbour’s children if they cannot recite the entirety of the koran on command?
you are such a liar.
i see you bought yourself the alfred hitchcock collection.
i watched psycho. it gave me some great ideas.
ho ho ho. well, as fun as this is, don’t you have work?
good point, i’m going,.. heh,. hitch cock!
i wonder if he’ll realise which movie i got my ideas from when he discovers i’ve sewn bird seed into his pants lining.
ieeeeeyyyyy!!!! not a worm,.. not a worm!!!
you do not know?!
i was thinking tuesday but it could be wednesday, it kinda feels like a wednesday to me.
how can she not know?
dear child, let me break this to you gently, today is
devour simian foeti day!
i think there’s an arm band or something.
nope, the calendar says it’s a tuesday.
tyler, i want to move. brisbane no longer does it for me, the idiocy rate is unacceptably high.
i think you’ll find there’s quite a bit of that going ’round lately.
how about naples or perhaps chamonix? they’re supposed to be wonderful all year.
yes but they’re full of foreigners.
fine, what about tasmania? it’s still part of australia.
we do have the same last name i suppose.
happy birfday to me. happy birfday to me. happy birfday dear ... meeeeeeee. happy birfday to me. woooooo!
what the ... tyler, it’s only 7am and you’re already three sheets to the wind!
ish ma birfday.
fine! happy birthday. i’m off to work.
eeexcelent. ish now time for the watching of da boobies and wearing of frozen cupcakes upon the forehead.
lick my frozen monkey nodules!
what happened to you?
i was riding my bicycle down the street, playing my psp, the next thing i know i’m lying flat on my back and my face hurts.
you were involved in an accident because you were doing something dumb? interesting.
i wasn’t involved in the crash. the guy who swerved off the road chased me down and punched me.
i ... when did you get a bicycle?
i forgot where i parked my car so i had to walk home. there was a bicycle chained up outside the school that no one was using so...
oh, like you wouldn’t have done the same.