F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Fly my Pretties! '

written by

Goatlord

have you ever wondered how many donkeys it would take to raise the titanic?

i can’t say that i have, no. am i right to assume these donkeys would be "pining for the fjords"?

unless you know of a special breed of underwater donkey?

it turns out that when the body of a donkey decays, it produces and retains far more gas than any other creature.

this is why donkey farmers have to puncture and bury any dead ones they find because they become hazards to low flying aircraft.

do you ever get bored of speaking shit 24/7?

what? no, it’s all true. we’ll be rich! maybe we could get some from your uncle. he’s into donkeys isn’t he?

in a manner of speaking.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' You can’t pick your family’s nose. '

written by

Goatlord

your brother-in-law is away an awful lot. his daughter is growing up now, lillee isn’t really a baby anymore. does she ask after him? oh, what’s his name? i can never remember.

my brother-in-law?

yeah, you know who.

voldemort!? my sister married the dark lord?! jesus, why didn’t anyone tell me?

you freak! why can’t we have a simple conversation anymore without you going mental? my mother was right, i should have stuck with my tamagotchi.

no time to talk, i have to practice my shield charms.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Hotdogs '

written by

Dan

hotdogs for dinner!!

chicken hotdogs.

hot chicken?

chicken hotdogs,.. instead of pork.

hot pigs?

you knew hotdogs weren’t made of dogs didn’t you?

*gaspie*

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Lick Me! All of You! '

written by

Goatlord

*cough* *cough* *hurk*

tyler, are you ok?

just a couple of hairballs, i’ll be fine.

how on earth...? i thought you were going out today to prove me wrong about getting high from licking frogs or more specifically, toads.

*hurk* and i did! i’ve been licking ... frogs?

have you got any idea how many dogs i’ve licked today!?

ah, the scientific method, i’ll have my moron, ’à la descartes.’

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Cats '

written by

Dan

fur is murder so no-one wears fur anymore,..

but cats are a menace to our indigenous wildlife.

we should start a business that sells cat furs.

that is,.. a horrible idea.

i’m going to check if the domain name ’hellokitty.com’ has been taken yet.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' To have and to hold. '

written by

Goatlord

i’m sorry monique. i’ve just realised how beautiful you truly are, i had forgotten.

oh tyler, i don’t know what to say.

... especially your neck.

my neck?

shhh, say nothing my dear. just let me touch your neck, the way i used to. i must have it. let me hold your neck.

ah, i feel this is one of those occasions that can only end in tears ... yours.

i will love it and pet it and love it and squeeze it and call it george.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' For better or for worse. '

written by

Goatlord

this was a great idea monique. i can’t remember the last time we got drunk together.

yes, you males love to equate drinking with having a good time. actually, i have to relay some important news to you.

i’m pregnant. your going to be a daddy.

what!? oh no, that’s ... wait ... that’s really great news monique! i’m going to be a dad! i am the happiest man alive!

really? that makes my heart swell tyler because i’m not really pregnant, however, your mum called earlier and said your grandma was run over by a school bus.

snap

they just don’t make toys like they used to.