i hate you... | murmuring to yourself again? you know, a few broken ribs could change your feelings for me. yes, but a few less ribs would rid my need of you anyway. | when your neck breaks, can i pawn your kidneys? |
imagine if i got a piece of pvc piping and i got it to follow me around constantly. and? | well, then i’d have a led pipe. | doyagetit? doyagetit? you’re going to get it. man, i wish i had a lead pipe |
tick! what the hell is that noise? tick! | tick! i was just doing what you asked for! tick! | tick! you misheard me! i said "i wish you had a bigger,..." tick! |
it’s during times like these, i wish i had a tactical nuclear device. uh-huh. | oh, absolutely. i could achieve so much-- --for yourself. of course. | it’s a pity i’m the one with the tactical nuclear device then, isn’t it? bah! |
apple i-store has a function where you can find celebrities and their favorite playlists. it gives you a bit of an insight into their personalities. sounds interesting. | i had a look at russell crowe’s. do you know what’s number one in russell crowe’s playlist? his own crap song that he’s trying to promote. what a wanker! what,... a,... wanker! | no punchline. just wanted to point out that russell crowe is a wanker. |
*sniff* *sniff*, *sniff* *sniff* what on earth are you doing? | is it wrong to enjoy your own funk? i am enjoying my own funk. *sniff* *sniff*, *sniff* *sniff* | *sniff* *sniff*, *sniff* *sniff* *hurk* |
have you ever wondered how many donkeys it would take to raise the titanic? i can’t say that i have, no. am i right to assume these donkeys would be "pining for the fjords"? unless you know of a special breed of underwater donkey? | it turns out that when the body of a donkey decays, it produces and retains far more gas than any other creature. this is why donkey farmers have to puncture and bury any dead ones they find because they become hazards to low flying aircraft. | do you ever get bored of speaking shit 24/7? what? no, it’s all true. we’ll be rich! maybe we could get some from your uncle. he’s into donkeys isn’t he? in a manner of speaking. |