*sob*

i am in a comic strip.

futon? isn’t that what you measure the atomic mass of tofu in?

oh yeah, it’s like number thirty-three or something.

oh wow, thanks, i’d almost forgotten. today is
the day of the nose.

it’s the day the whole world celebrates your filthy, enormous, wart ridden, nose!

well... it is now.

what?

nothing.

hey there lebanese blonde.

you can call me orange sky. would you like to go to the fair? we could see such great heights.

man, is this some new slang you’re speaking? caring is creepy.

i just don’t think i’ll ever get over you.

am i likely to wear the dolmio grin?

get a lump in my throat?

ok then.

ooo! a azor bade, at’s new.

ah, halcyon days.

she left me.

no, my sweet.

no, my mills and boonian vision of all that is love, nothing.

nothing but drinking, my sweet apple blossom. draino now comes in six packs, bless them.

have you ever noticed that a traditional love heart, when turned upside down, looks like a bum?

really? cause i only just noti,...

oh, very trite. well done.

i think what you mean to say is that it’s one molecule from being plastic.

that’s like saying that i should give up drinking water because it’s only one molecule from being hydrogen-peroxide.

i know, i’ll stop breathing, because oxygen is only one molecule from being ozone.

ah,... seawater and earwax.

owie! they told me it was a new universal type of battery that could power anything.

they routinely fellate diseased warthogs in the vain attempt to summon their one true lord and master satan, lord of the flies, devourer of souls and producer of those boils you get around the rim of your sphincter that really hurt when you try to open the freezer door just after someone’s shut it so fast that all the air has escaped making it nigh on impossible to re-open...

what?

i’m pretty sure that’s never been said about the kangaroos before.

donkeys are by far the best source of vitamin q the world has ever seen. i know this because my family has been breeding donkeys for the past 17 generations.

phantasms eat regularly to help keep those annoying monkey burgers at bay. remember what they say, "a monkey burger a day, helps keep the giraffes from eating your small intestines while you sleep."

when i lick the noodles of my mind, i immediately understand life. i become life. to lick the noodles of my mind is to understand perfection as seen from the lickable noodles of my mind. i lick therefore i am.

reform no other before me, i am as the wind through the undergarments of life. i am the undergarments of life. i blow therefore i lick therefore i am. so it is written, so shall it be, forever more.

my soul? i don’t think so.

my soul is my own. without it, i am not me. how may i freely give my love to you if i am... not?

i...

i left the house this morning and my volvo wasn’t handling very well.

i suspected that my steering had become unbalanced so i pulled over and do you know what i found?

supermarket trolleys wheels. someone had replaced my wheels with supermarket trolley wheels.

no shit!

imagine if you were a werewolf. you could go get your haircut on the day before the full moon and then return the next day for a refund.

it’d be the perfect scam.

i wonder if the olympics will make "tonsil hockey" a national sport...

i ofudn a edr nep no het lofor. si it uyors?

ho, ko hetn.

i elfe nfie. hwy do uyo ska?

yes, but a few less ribs would rid my need of you anyway.

imagine if i got a piece of pvc piping and i got it to follow me around constantly.

well, then i’d have a led pipe.

doyagetit?
doyagetit?

i was just doing what you asked for!

it’s during times like these, i wish i had a tactical nuclear device.

oh, absolutely. i could achieve so much--

of course.

bah!

apple i-store has a function where you can find celebrities and their favorite playlists. it gives you a bit of an insight into their personalities.

i had a look at russell crowe’s. do you know what’s number one in russell crowe’s playlist? his own crap song that he’s trying to promote.

what,... a,... wanker!