why do we say ’as happy as a clam’? because they’re always smiling | because they’re not married to you. you couldn’t let it go, could you? |
where has the romance in our relationship gone? let me think. | well? it’s not on page seven. let me check page eight. |
do you know what happened to my crystal decanter? do you recall that fight we had? | which one? the one where i got hit in the head with a crystal decanter | ah,.. |
what would you do if i had an affair? i’d build snowmen with joseph stalin. | that makes no sense! it makes perfect sense. i’d have to be dead... | ...and for someone else to sleep with you, hell would be under six feet of snow. |
this coffee is awful. taste this. no thank you. | who made it? me. what did you use for a filter? a dirty sock? | your dirty sock, actually. maybe now you will remember to pick up filters after work. at least it wasn’t your sock. that was yesterday’s pot. |
my dog has no nose. ...you don’t have a dog. | ok then, your dog has no nose. |
beware the fetid donkey cheese! it consumes with a hitherto unknown passion for the art of kanly. | beware the wife with the hitherto unknown passion for dropping acid in her husband’s morning coffee. | mmmmm....snozberry. |