you’re so boring. all you ever do is watch tv and read the paper. why aren’t you more exciting? much as i hate agreeing with you, i do believe that there are a host of unfinished hobbies in the attic, awaiting my return. | a week later it’s nice to see that you’re working on your hobbies. i see you’ve dug out both the telescope and the cameras. | wait a second,... |
oh my god! kylie minogue has been diagnosed with breast cancer. | well, she should have kept them out of the sun. | it’s not the first time her breasts have created a blood-fed growth. ew! mmm, cancery! |
...she said what? "my pet monkey has better handwriting skills than you and he uses his own fecal matter as a medium." that’s what i thought you said. wow, that’s a little disturbing. | thanks monique, talking to you has really helped. your handwriting is atrocious, get over it. the bigger picture is eluding you at present, isn’t it? you want to have a go at my artwork now? | tyler, an old friend of yours has a pet monkey, that she communicates with, using alphabet poo. yes but...oh, right. well, that’s one less card to send out at christmas i guess. |
they say, poor handwriting stems from a mind working so fast that the hand just can’t keep up. they say that? that’s what they say. | well, it’s funny you should mention that because i heard, they say poor handwriting stems from chronic masturbation. they say that? that’s what they say. | it’s quite possible that they are full of shit. you never know. |
thud thud thud | thud smash squeal | hats off to those wacky scientist guys for making pigs that fly but couldn’t they have used something other than magpie dna to help out? i’m sure they thought they were very clever at the time. |
i just don’t feel safe after finding out that there’s a sexual predator on the loose, plus the fact that you’re a complete coward. well, geez, if you’re that bothered about safety, go and sort out some sort of safety system for the house. although i always figured that your horrible visage was protection enough from rape | the next day, a security solution is in place. hey! why are all my buffy and angel dvd’s scattered all over the living room. you know i said not to touch them. have you ever heard of archimedes’ fire? | sure, and that would explain the huge parabolic dish on the upstairs balcony, but where would you get so many reflective discs,..... oh, lord, no |
has your friend dylan changed to primary school teaching now? i don’t speak to dylan anymore. just for conversation’s sake, why do you ask? i saw him at the pub the other night. he wanted to tell me another of his outrageously funny jokes. | am i going to want to hear it? she asks with rolled newspaper poised. probably not but here goes, what’s so good about 88 year olds? there’s 80 of them. | hi, therese? strangely enough, that really wasn’t worth it. ow. |