i still can’t figure out how you threw your back out. it was just one of those freak "acts of god." | a likely story. when i found you prostrate on the office floor, it looked as if you’d been crawling away from the computer desk. i know that chair isn’t the most comfortable but.... you were jacking off to porn weren’t you?! it wasn’t porn. the trailer for the new firefly movie just came out and... i’m sure i wasn’t the only one. | you sick little puppy. i am so getting my own keyboard and mouse. floating away... |
i want to lick your nose. i want to lick your nose. | i want to lick your nose. i want to lick your nose. | i want to lick your nose. moo. |
maybe we could get fit by riding bikes. gosh! that takes me back. that last time i rode a bike was,... | ,..oh, yes. my buck’s night. | ah, the memories. |
how do you make a dog meow? put it in the freezer for three days, pull it out then run it across a band saw. meeeeeeow! | you thieved that from george smilovici. it’s called "paying homage" dear. how about this one then, what do dogs say when they spontaneously combust? | woof |
you’re so boring. all you ever do is watch tv and read the paper. why aren’t you more exciting? much as i hate agreeing with you, i do believe that there are a host of unfinished hobbies in the attic, awaiting my return. | a week later it’s nice to see that you’re working on your hobbies. i see you’ve dug out both the telescope and the cameras. | wait a second,... |
oh my god! kylie minogue has been diagnosed with breast cancer. | well, she should have kept them out of the sun. | it’s not the first time her breasts have created a blood-fed growth. ew! mmm, cancery! |
...she said what? "my pet monkey has better handwriting skills than you and he uses his own fecal matter as a medium." that’s what i thought you said. wow, that’s a little disturbing. | thanks monique, talking to you has really helped. your handwriting is atrocious, get over it. the bigger picture is eluding you at present, isn’t it? you want to have a go at my artwork now? | tyler, an old friend of yours has a pet monkey, that she communicates with, using alphabet poo. yes but...oh, right. well, that’s one less card to send out at christmas i guess. |