Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Yo Yo Yo '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: i will be purchasing some bling bling after work today.
:Monigue says: do you even know what "bling bling" is?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: sure i do.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: a fiddy cent ringtone for my cell phone?
:Monigue says: you go now.
,Tyler query.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Welcome to Earth '
written by
Goatlord
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.,Tyler shock.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i had to go into town to, do something, i think. the place is just crawling with... are they the new normal?
:Monigue says: relax, there’s going to be a pop culture expo on over the weekend. some people like to express themselves with costume.
:Tyler says: my eyes....
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Stay Awhile '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: you can stop with the cookie monster impressions, it can’t have been that bad.
:Tyler says: are you kidding?! the overstretched spandex, the bad wigs, the disfiguring acne.
:Tyler says: the well rounded tights, the thigh hugging boots, oh yeah, the...
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: ...deep impression of my forehead in the table, ow!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
:Tyler says: actually, that worked. thanks, i think.
:Monigue says: anytime.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Stay for a Little Bit '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: you realise that you’re one of the biggest fanboys i know.
:Tyler says: i am nothing like those people.
:Monigue says: you picked a napkin out of the bin because you thought sarah michelle gellar may have used it. fanboy.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: am not.
:Monigue says: as stunning as this repartee is, you’d probably like it at the expo. there will be lots of buffy merchandise to paw through and i’m pretty sure i heard that joss whedon’s signature will be making a special appearance.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: peace at last. if he comes back with any of those evangelion dollies however...
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' You Know You Want To '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says from offstage: that was great! most of those costumed freaks were really nice, i hardly wanted to punch any of them in the face. there were a lot of non-costumed people like me there too, who would have thought?
:Monigue says: ah me, how time flies.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: i picked up some "crumpleton experiment" and a "phatsville comix." a little, hyperactive young lad even wanted to sell me his love. i got to see jake the muss, very cool. i had no idea "once were warriors" was still so popular, and...
:Monigue says: ..this one time, at band camp.
:Tyler says: huh?
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: anyway, i’m going back tomorrow, you should come too.
:Monigue says: i don’t fucking think so.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Bored Last Night '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: what are you so happy about? and where did you go last night?
:Tyler says: i was bored, so i did what i usually do. i wandered up and down the aisles at the hardware store.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: and did it relieve your boredom?
:Tyler says: inspiration struck when i found that the plungers were stored next to the super glue.
:Monigue says: you didn’t,...
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
television blares! and in news today,..
:Tyler says: shh! this’ll be it.
:Monigue says: oh lord no.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Nevermind '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: if you’re going to read comic books behind there, you could at least turn the newspaper the right way up.
:Tyler says: hey? oh, right.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: better?
:Monigue says: much. what are you reading anyway?
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: "groovy gravy" surprisingly, it’s not crap.
:Monigue says: more in-jokes? when will you learn?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Cinnamon to Taste '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: mmmm, nummy.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: y’know, the average human body contains 5.7 litres of blood.
:Monigue says: random fact spouting, this is new. what book did you get this tidbit from pray?
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: book?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Milk '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: you used the last of the milk.
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
,Tyler silent.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: actually i tipped out what was left of what i replaced the milk with last week.
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Chipper '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: singing!
:Monigue says: you’re chipper!
:Tyler says: my chipper?
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: you are chipper
:Tyler says: oh! well, i figured out the solution to a problem that has been bothering me.
:Monigue says: what was the solution?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique angry.
:Tyler says: my chipper.
:Monigue says: what was the problem?
:Tyler says: it’s probably best you don’t ask.
,Tyler news.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Choke the Chicken '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: you work in the movie business, right?
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: yeah, well y’know when you need animals on set, they have to come with trainers or "wranglers?"
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: if you needed a bunch of roosters for a scene would the trainer be called a, "cock wrangler?"
:Monigue says: i don’t know, grease boy, you tell me.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Bang! Pop! '
written by
Dan
bang!
pop!
fzzztgrgle!
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Tyler says from offstage: well, i’m going to go to the computer store.
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Thanks for the Mammaries '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: can i fondle your breasts?
:Monigue says: excuse me?
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i’m bored.
:Monigue says: fondle your own.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: well...i guess they are of a similar size.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Schrodinger’s Friend '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: you know your friend alex?
:Tyler says: the quantum theorist?
:Monigue says: that’s the one.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: sometimes he’s a really pleasant chap,..
:Monigue says: but sometimes he comes across as a power hungry machivalian arse-clown.
:Monigue says: you’ve known this quantum theorist longer. which is he?
,Tyler silent.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: indeterminate!!
,Tyler shock.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' It must be Thursday '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i’m an emotional rag. the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy is released this thursday. i’ve been waiting for this film for so long. my expectations don’t know what to do.
:Tyler says: i’m so scared that they’ll be too high, and i’ll be let down by the film, but,..
:Tyler says: then i think that i’ll hate it because my expectations are so high,..
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: but then my expectations to hate it will mean that i’ll be pleasantly surprised when i actually see it,..
:Tyler says: so now i’m looking forward to it again,.. so my expectations are high,..
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: i hear it’s pretty good.
:Tyler says: aaaaaarghh!!!!!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Paaaantss '
written by
Jeremy
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: i’m not wearing any pants.
:Monigue says: good thing i superglued your ass to that chair then.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: ah. so you did. and not just my ass, it appears.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Paaaants II '
written by
Jeremy
:Monigue says from offstage: i’m off to the mall! there’s a sale on shoes.
:Tyler says: bugger. stupid glue.
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
,Tyler silent.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: if only i were more flexible.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Paaaants III '
written by
Jeremy
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
slam! crash!
:Tyler says: it’s about time you got home! there seems to have been some glue on the table...
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: ¿que?
:Tyler says: ...monique?
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Paaaants IV '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: um, look señor, i don’t know who you are, or what you’re doing here but you’ve got to help me man.
:Monigue says from offstage: ¿usted está bien, hombre?
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: i need some solvent. metho, vodka, anything.
:Monigue says from offstage: mi amigo, los genitales son vinculados muy a esa silla
:Monigue says from offstage: bien, yo no soy interesado en actos sexuales extraños, yo ahora saldré con esta máquina de dvd.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: please,.. you’ve got to,.. hey! are you stealing my dvd player?
:Monigue says from offstage: bueno adiós, hombre
:Tyler says: noooooooo!!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Pop! Goes the Weasel '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: apparently, my boss is getting some serious grief from a rival "gun shop." he’s given all employees some special, "home protection."
:Monigue says: a gun! you’ve brought a firearm into this house?!
:Tyler says: it’s ok monique, i’ll have it on me at all times. see, it’s tucked into my pan...
,Tyler talk.,Monique angry.
bang
,Tyler shock.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: i’m ok.
:Monigue says: careful there tyler, you don’t want to go off half-cocked.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Editor '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i can’t believe i’m so disappointed with the hitchhiker’s movie. the editing was,.. was,..
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: you really had a lot resting on that movie didn’t you? i almost feel bad for my part in the selection of the editor.
:Tyler says: you chose the editor?
,Tyler shock.,Monique slygrin.
:Monigue says: ’chose’ is probably the wrong word for a process involving tequila and a blindfold.
,Tyler angry.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fishing '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: well, i’m off fishing.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: aren’t you a bit optimistic using those over-sized hooks?
:Tyler says from offstage: i just like a situation where those with the biggest mouths are punished.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: what the hell is that supposed to mean?
:Tyler says from offstage: whoops! gotta go.
,Tyler none.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Eternal Sunshine '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: wasn’t ’eternal sunshine of the spotless mind’ wonderful and romantic?
:Tyler says: meh!
:Monigue says: it just prompted such intriguing questions.
,Tyler news.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: meh!
:Monigue says: erasing memories. what a strange notion.
:Monigue says: hey tyler, what memories would you have deleted?
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: this conversation would make a nice start.
:Monigue says: fucker!
:Tyler says: whoa! déjà vu!
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Dugong '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says from offstage: aaaaaaargh!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
:Monigue says: you prick! you think it’s funny to replace my bathroom mirror with an aquarium containing a dugong?
:Tyler says: not as funny as the fact that it’s been there two days already.
:Monigue says: fuck you, tyler.
,Tyler talk.,Monique angry.
:Tyler says: ancient sailors mistook them for mermaids.
:Monigue says: blow me!
:Tyler says: big fat hairy mermaids.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Nothing '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says:
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: did you just say ’nothing’?
:Monigue says: i didn’t say anything.
:Tyler says: no, did you just say,. ’nothing’?
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: the word ’nothing’?
:Tyler says: no damnit!! did you speak, but not say anything at all?
:Monigue says: start making sense baldy or i’m packing you off to a home.
,Tyler angry.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Refined, cold blooded, deliberate shenanigans '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: have the baskervilles moved in next door?
:Tyler says: i don’t believe so.
:Monigue says: well, i just...ah, i don’t suppose you know anything about the large, glowing canine next door?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: it’s funny you should mention that monique. when i was a young lad, my friend and i would delight in painting the neighbourhood pets all the colours of the rainbow.
:Tyler says: these days, however, i have many more years under the belt, a bigger bank account and access to a disgustingly large hardware store where i may purchase fluorescent spray paint and uv light globes to suit street lamps. the revolution starts here, baby!
:Monigue says: that’s really quite inventive tyler, but...
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: ...but?
:Monigue says: i’m just trying to get past the fact you had a friend when you were young.
:Tyler says: i did give him half my pocket money every week.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' GM Herb Garden '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know how you said it was a mistake to plant a genetically modified herb garden?
:Monigue says: if i remember correctly, i told you that it was ’screwing with the laws of nature’.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i hate to say this, but i think you might have been right.
:Monigue says: well well well, so mister infallible has an archillies heel. so what brings this bout of ecological gallantry?
,Tyler query.,Monique slygrin.
:Monigue says from offstage: tyyyyy-leeeeerrr!
:Tyler says: maybe you should ask it.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Youth '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: ,..then i’ve got an appointment at the solarium, then it’s off to the beauty parlor for a skin peel.
:Tyler says: point one, that’s the most retarded waste of time i’ve ever heard of.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: point two. what the hell are you trying to do recapture your youth? it’s not like you were that pretty then either.
:Monigue says: at least i don’t try to recapture someone else’s youth.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: good god! you let him go? i told you that o’donnally woman wasn’t getting her son back until she cleaned up her footpath!!
:Monigue says: three words tyler.
crime. against. humanity.
:Tyler says from offstage: you’ll make us look soft. now, where did i put my taser.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Trip '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you’re back?
:Monigue says: yeah, why are you so surprised?
:Tyler says: oh, no reason. so how was your boogy-boarding holiday to indonesia?
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: good, except my boogy board got mixed up with someone else’s on the trip. i seem to have someone’s called ’schapelle corby’.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: so, what’s in the news back here in australia?
:Tyler says: oh, nothing,... nothing at all.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Bored '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i’m bored!!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: well, why don’t you go into the garage and put the car back together.
:Tyler says: ,.. the car,... back,...
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: son of a,...
:Monigue says: i get bored too.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
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