Dan Beeston is

Brushing Off Invisible Spiders


22nd October 2011


The $200 million dollar blockbuster based on the popular board game of the same name and I've got to say this is exactly what I've been waiting for. I'm eager. I'm yearning. I'm bursting at the seams. This, finally, could be a great sci fi film. A return to great cinema.

"Why?" I hear you ask.

Because for once Hollywood is pouring money into an original idea.

It's not based off years of cartoons and comics. It's not a damned sequel. It's not even based off a line of toys. You don't really think that someone looked at the game Battleship™ and thought "Oh my God, What a great idea for a film." Of course not. Some naive but optimistic screenwriter put together a story for the sake of having a great story and pitched it to a money man.

"I'm sorry" said the moneyman, "It's a great story but I can't greenlight a production if I can't guarantee a return. Maybe if you had some sort of intellectual property attached to it."

Because the problem is that film-making is a risk. Getting bums on seats all comes down to getting people's attention. And the best way to do that is to show then something they recognise.

Enter 'Battleship™'.

Let's make a game out of this.

"How about" says the optimistic screen writer, "we integrate the board game Battleship™. I can change the missiles into those pegs from the game and Blammo! Bob's your uncle."

"Battleship™, huh? Well, everyone knows Battleship™. Yeah…. YEAH!!! Dorothy?!! Get my signing pen! We're going to make us a film!"

And BAM!! Now we get to watch a sci-fi film with a big budget and that is only barely behoved to the original conceit.

Battleships? Check.

Pegs? Check.

Now tell a great story.

I mean, I'm not going to watch it. Lord no! It's going to suck.

But at least it will suck for the right reasons.