why are you so chipper this morning? | admit it. last night, you made sounds you’ve never made before. ha. | that you’ve heard, anyway. |
you know i’ve,.. stopped wearing underwear. | yes, i realised that. | that’s why i’ve started wearing double. |
’twas the nght before christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, | except for the angry wife stalking her husband with a shiny new axe after discovering her moisturiser had been replaced with...something else. | he-e-e-e-re’s johnny! run away! |
ow...honey i’m home! he slurs drunkenly after staggering through the screen door...at 6am no less. sweety, i can explain. i was out drinking with the boys when i met this hot chick and well, one thing led to another and we ended up going at it hammer and tong all night. i’m really sorry. | right...and my uncle noel doesn’t have carnal knowledge of animals. what really happened? ok, ok. i was out drinking with the boys and after we got chucked out at closing time, they thought it would be a good idea to duct tape me to the nearest roundabout....again. | oh tyler, you could have at least put on clean underwear before you left yesterday. *sniff* *sniff* |
i need a better hiding place for my invisibility potion don’t i? maybe. |
what’s that smell? you wanted me to burn you some madonna cds. | the cd writer makes that smell? cd writer? | my madonna cds!!!! whoopsie. silly tyler. |
so, what elephants have the biggest ears? the indian elephant,.. or you? | have you ever seen ’reservoir dogs’ tyler? you’re going to cut my ear off? could be tyler. could be. | imagine an elephant version of reservoir dogs. wow! you’d need, like, a chain saw. yeah, one that could be operated without thumbs. |