Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Wife Beating '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i was just talking to my friend megan. that bastard clive has been beating her up. there’s really nothing worse than someone who gets drunk and abusive.
:Tyler says: well,...
:Monigue says: oh please don’t tell me you’re about to defend this.
,Tyler query.,Monique angry.
:Tyler says: well, at least if he’s drunk and abusive he’d miss more often.
:Monigue says: more often than what?
:Tyler says: than if he was just abusive.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: what are you doing?
:Monigue says from offstage: having a drink.
:Tyler says: that’s a lot of vodka for this time of morning.
,Tyler query.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' This man is a dentist... '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says from offstage: aargh! dear lord! the pain!
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: the fan tore my face off!
:Monigue says: my god! how?
:Tyler says: i put my head in it.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: it seemed like a good idea at the time.
:Monigue says: of course dear. would you like me to call for an ambulance?
:Tyler says: if it’s not too much trouble.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Staring Competition '
written by
Goatlord
,Tyler silent.,Monique silent.,Tyler silent.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: cheat! no eye gouging!
:Monigue says: booyah!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Ticket '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i need to borrow $5 for a lottery ticket.
:Monigue says: *sigh* okay, but on one condition. if you win, you have to take me on a sailing trip around the world.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: stuck on a boat for months at a time with only you for company?
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: thank god the odds are 8 million to one.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Great Ass '
written by
Stumpybear
:Tyler says from offstage: woohoo! touch down!
:Monigue says: quiet, pea brain.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: don’t interrupt me during the big game!!...woman...
:Monigue says: what big game? there’s no football on tonight...
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Monigue says from offstage: you idiot, that’s netball.
:Tyler says from offstage: what?! but...ohh, so the ga jersey doesn’t stand for great arse?
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says from offstage: excuse me horse, do you speak?
:Tyler says from offstage: *neigh*
:Tyler says from offstage: i thought not.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says from offstage: hahahahahaha
hahahahahaha!
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Tyler says from offstage: hahahahaha
hahahahaha!
i kill me.
:Monigue says: who the hell are you talking to?
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' I KILL JOO! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says from offstage: pxe-e61 error! what the fuck is a pxe-e61 error?!
:Tyler says: i believe that’s the message you receive when your bios is set to boot to a lan.
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: how...? whatever. ok, that’s fixed.
:Tyler says: right, just reboot the computer and everything should be back to normal.
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: i can’t believe i’m taking advice on computers from ... pxe-mof error?!
:Tyler says: a pxe-mof error? ooo, i’m just going down the pub for an hour ... or seven.
:Monigue says from offstage: fucker!
,Tyler query.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Listen '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: listen!!
:Monigue says: i don’t hear anything.
:Tyler says: exactly
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: ninjas!!
:Tyler says: ninjas!!
,Tyler shock.,Monique shock.
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Wrecks '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: good gravy!!
:Tyler says: in your kitchen? doubtful.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: funny!
:Monigue says: it says here that rex hunt was bashed and left for dead an a street in byron bay.
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: maybe he got caught kissing someone else’s fish.
:Monigue says: yibbida yibbida
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Breeding '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know,..?
:Monigue says: uh oh.
:Tyler says: dog breeding supports keeping bloodlines pure. making sure that there’s daschunds and terriers and bassett hounds?
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: yes?
:Tyler says: and this is considered normal?
:Monigue says: yeeees?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: but when hitler does it, it’s bad?
:Monigue says: i gotta get out
:Tyler says: talk about a ’german’ shepherd
,Tyler query.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Smelly Fingers '
written by
Goatlord
kshhht
:Tyler says: what the hell did you just spray on my hand?!
:Monigue says: just a special formula that detects if the wearer is about to partake of any crudely disguised libation.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: pffft! sure.
:Tyler says: gah! you sprayed girly deodorant on my drinking hand! i cannot drink again!
,Tyler coffee.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: noooooooooooo!
just kill me now!
:Monigue says: you could just change hands, doofus.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Knockers '
written by
Dan
knock knock!
knock knock!
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
knock knock!
knock knock!
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: tyler? are you in there? let me in!!
:Tyler says: and negate all my hard work grinding the teeth off your house keys? no, i don’t think so.
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A Profitable Exchange '
written by
Goatlord
monday
:Monigue says from offstage: tyler! your new dog shat in my best shoes ... again!
:Tyler says: heh-heh.
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
wednesday
:Monigue says from offstage: you little bastard! once more dog and i’ll sell you to the butcher!
:Tyler says: puppies will be puppies, monique.
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
friday
:Tyler says: where’d you get the money for new earrings? i thought you were broke.
:Monigue says: i’m really very thrifty tyler, didn’t you know?
,Tyler query.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Because they’d heard tongue was on special! '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: if i was to ask you how many aardvark skins it would take to cover our house, what would be your answer?
:Monigue says: do you foresee this to be a question you’re likely to pose?
:Tyler says: yes.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: then, in all honesty tyler, i’d have to say i didn’t know.
:Tyler says: i’d have to say "i didn’t know" too. hooray for science!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: hello, pet superstore? i was just wondering if you gave partial refunds on partial returns?
:Monigue says: if only he spent this much time and energy to become a cunning linguist.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Remember '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: do you remember when comic strips weren’t just a bunch of talking heads?
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: do you remember anything before this week?
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i have a lot of damage from alcohol misuse.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' We’re all DOOMED! '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: that was quite the thunderstorm we had last night.
:Monigue says: yeah, sure was. i wasn’t imagining the raining of toads was i?
:Tyler says: frogs, i’ll think you’ll find they were.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: ah, what do you suppose that was all about?
:Tyler says: i’m sure it’s nothing.
:Monigue says: it didn’t seem a bit wierd to you?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: nah, it’s just one of those rarely occurring, natural phenomena.
:Monigue says: righty-o ... how’s that cup of blood you’ve got there.
:Tyler says: revelation-icious
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Riot! '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: wow! those riots in france are getting pretty vicious.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: i’ll bet the germans are having second thoughts now. ho ho ho.
:Monigue says: you know, that joke stopped being funny about 40 years ago.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: bah, that joke never stops being funny.
:Tyler says: i heard to conceal their identities they were wearing blue and white stripped balaclavas.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' With a capital ’T’ '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: i’ve decided my life needs a voice-over.
:Monigue says: you want a voice-over?
:Tyler says: yeah, like they had in old detective serials, something like...
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
’trouble’ was tyler’s middle name and just like that hooker’s face, he kept coming across it.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: i’m judging you.
:Tyler says: you’re just jealous.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fondle Your Monkey Dags '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: i went to the mall for lunch today and was stunned by the sheer number of pregnant teenagers.
:Tyler says: ah yes, only the stupid people are breeding. harvey danger knew the score.
:Monigue says: who?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: nevermind. perhaps the government should be handing out free televisions instead of cash incentives for recklessly increasing the national moron quotient.
:Monigue says: remind me to slap your mother. besides, i don’t think it would take the kids long to figure out they could do it doggie-style so they could both watch x-files.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: you listen to the bloodhound gang but don’t know who harvey danger is?
:Tyler says: so ... you wanna’ do it like they do on the discovery channel?
:Monigue says: foxtrot uniform charlie kilo oscar foxtrot foxtrot.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sentence '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: they say that
:Monigue says: when you
:Tyler says: spend enough
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: time together you
:Tyler says: end up finishing
:Monigue says: each other’s
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: sentences.
:Tyler says: mother fucker!
:Monigue says: i constantly feel like i’m in the middle of a sentence.
,Tyler angry.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' No Wang Home '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: happy thoughts. long and thick, happy thoughts.
:Monigue says from offstage: tyler, i’m... jesus h! so much blood! are you ok? what the hell happened?!
:Tyler says: nothing to be alarmed about. i’ll be fine.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: i got sick of looking at your mother’s false teeth embedded in the bathroom windowsill so i tried to pry them off with a screwdriver. i slipped and cut myself ... off.
:Monigue says: that’s no small injury tyler ... so to speak, you should seek medical attention.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i can regrow my own penis thank you very much!
:Monigue says: fine, have it your way. so, no wieners for dinner then?
:Tyler says: ha. ha ... ow!
,Tyler talk.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Pixies '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know how if you have rainforest in your back garden you have pixies at the bottom of it?
:Monigue says: yes,... if you’re six.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: well we have a sand garden.
:Monigue says: yes??
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i think you should turn to the east and meet our new neighbour
:Monigue says from offstage: greetings heathen
:Monigue says: by allah
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Submission '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know what your problem is?
:Monigue says: oh, everyone wants to hear that as a prelude to constructive critisism.
:Tyler says: you’re not submissive enough?
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: oh, i’m sorry. is this better?
:Tyler says: mmmm. much better.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: eeep!
:Monigue says: what do we say?
:Tyler says: i submit
,Tyler shock.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Intelligent Design '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i’ve become a supporter of the ’intelligent design’ theory.
:Monigue says: the notion that evolution of the species was guided by a greater intelligence? i thought you hated that stuff.
:Tyler says: well, it doesn’t actually specify ’god’ as being the designer.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: and so,...
:Tyler says: and so i’m proposing myself as the ’greater intelligence’.
:Monigue says: *sigh* and this has never been mentioned before because,...?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i work in,...
mysterious ways!!
:Monigue says: i think you’re forgetting what the ’i’ in ’i.d’ stands for.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A Gift Like No Other '
written by
Stumpybear
:Monigue says: when i was in highschool, my boyfriends would always smother me with gifts to show how much they loved me.
:Tyler says: did they smother you with their love too?
:Monigue says: filthy boy.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: university was the same, my boyfriends would lavish me with expensive dinners and outings, although the smothering usually only involved whipped cream.
:Tyler says: alright! i get the hint. you’re feeling unloved and want some expensive smothering. i’ll be back.
,Tyler angry.,Monique slygrin.
:Monigue says: just out of curiosity, where might my exorbitantly priced gift be coming from?
:Tyler says from offstage: pillowtalk.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Cruise '
written by
Dan and Goatlord
:Tyler says: oh my god!! you know that boat trip we’re taking if i win the lottery?
:Monigue says: yeah?
:Tyler says: pack your bikini
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: i am,....
so happy!
:Monigue says: i love you, tyler
:Tyler says: i love you, kylie
,Tyler boat.,Monique boat.
:Monigue says: monique
:Tyler says: i love you, monique
:Monigue says: fuck you, my darling!
fuck you
,Tyler end.,Monique end.
Prev 100Prev 30Prev 7Prev DayNext DayNext 7Next 30Next 100
First ComicArchiveToday's ComicInvisible Spiders