i crave the flesh of humans!
wha... cravings?! oh no! monique, you’re not pregnant are you?!
i am not monique. i am unicron, devourer of worlds. i crave the flesh of humans!
aaaaaaaaaahhhh .... hey, wait a minute...
what’s with you?
i just travelled back from the past where i killed your grandfather before he could conceive you.
by the way, it turns out, your grandma’s a slut.
wow! it says here on e! news live that george w. bush is going to marry paris hilton.
everything on that show is made up and only stupid people believe them.
lies! you speak lies!
did you know the network is changing the show’s name to gullible! news live.
what?! but the name makes up 50% of the show!
i rest my case.
nope, this blows.
i was enjoying it.
tyler! if you don’t get up soon, you’ll be late for work.
i’m sleeping in. i don’t feel like going in today.
you bastard! you’ve been messing with my pda again, it’s saturday!
ha ha ha
ha ha ha
then they asked-
-when we were having kids, i know!
ha ha ha
ha ha ha
agh!! jesus!! what the hell is that??!!
i replaced the old dvd player.
but,. wha,.. so??!!
this one has a zoom function!!
and i thought it was big before,..
i played lawn bowls with my friends last night.
how do you play that one?
you have to try to roll your weighted bowl and get it closest to the jack.
i’ve played a game like that,..
except that you had to get your "jack" closest to the,...
"my dog stains are in you thanking"?!
what the hell does that even mean? i’m sure the ’translators’ are just pulling the piss.
pulling the piss?
y’know: having a lend; pulling your leg; to come a wry one?
and what language are you translating that from?
why the hell is there a pentagram sculpted in the sand garden?
i was trying to summon a demon of hell to serve my earthly desires.
an excellent use of a saturday afternoon.
speaking of which, did you do the washing up like i asked you?
mmm, i just spent an afternoon playing burnout: revenge with s-bear. so very cool.
why can’t you have any grown up hobbies? video games are for children.
hmmm? yes. i was going to get a psp but the graphics for the xbox were great. conundrum!
but of course! there is a version of burnout available for the psp. my peepee senses are tingling!
don’t you mean your psp senses?
psp senses? don’t be daft.
ew ... why do i bother?
tyler, you’ve been spending a lot of time on that psp of yours.
revenge! ... mm?
quick question: what does your psp and your pp have in common?
they’re both handheld and fit easily inside my purse.
behold! through meditation i have achieved enlightenment. my consciousness rose to the highest of planes; i basked in its glory, and found that it was cheese.
the experience was akin to floating in a giant fondue, filled with infinity.
i thought you said it was made from-
yes, and in this highest of realms, infinity itself, is
made, from cheese!
they killed wash.
so, you didn’t like serenity?
best movie ever!
he’s so dreamy,..
why, thank you.
not you! ash mccloud from that new show.
you know, he’s not a real actor,.. he just plays one on tv.
you heard me.
i just finished stephen hawking’s a brief history of time. i was surprised at how much i thought i understood.
the guy in the wheelchair who dumped his loyal wife and shacked up with a hot nurse? funny.
please, let us bypass the adult conversation and head directly to the childish banter.
you’re just jealous that you could never pick up women as hot as the ones a guy with motor neuron disease can.
ha ha, you said ... *sigh*
so, what was this "adult conversation" thing you mentioned earlier?
in saudi arabia, did you know that it is legal to skin your neighbour’s children if they cannot recite the entirety of the koran on command?
you are such a liar.
i see you bought yourself the alfred hitchcock collection.
i watched psycho. it gave me some great ideas.
ho ho ho. well, as fun as this is, don’t you have work?
good point, i’m going,.. heh,. hitch cock!
i wonder if he’ll realise which movie i got my ideas from when he discovers i’ve sewn bird seed into his pants lining.
ieeeeeyyyyy!!!! not a worm,.. not a worm!!!
you do not know?!
i was thinking tuesday but it could be wednesday, it kinda feels like a wednesday to me.
how can she not know?
dear child, let me break this to you gently, today is
devour simian foeti day!
i think there’s an arm band or something.
nope, the calendar says it’s a tuesday.
tyler, i want to move. brisbane no longer does it for me, the idiocy rate is unacceptably high.
i think you’ll find there’s quite a bit of that going ’round lately.
how about naples or perhaps chamonix? they’re supposed to be wonderful all year.
yes but they’re full of foreigners.
fine, what about tasmania? it’s still part of australia.
we do have the same last name i suppose.
happy birfday to me. happy birfday to me. happy birfday dear ... meeeeeeee. happy birfday to me. woooooo!
what the ... tyler, it’s only 7am and you’re already three sheets to the wind!
ish ma birfday.
fine! happy birthday. i’m off to work.
eeexcelent. ish now time for the watching of da boobies and wearing of frozen cupcakes upon the forehead.
lick my frozen monkey nodules!
what happened to you?
i was riding my bicycle down the street, playing my psp, the next thing i know i’m lying flat on my back and my face hurts.
you were involved in an accident because you were doing something dumb? interesting.
i wasn’t involved in the crash. the guy who swerved off the road chased me down and punched me.
i ... when did you get a bicycle?
i forgot where i parked my car so i had to walk home. there was a bicycle chained up outside the school that no one was using so...
oh, like you wouldn’t have done the same.
your turn,.. don’t you want to know what i’ve been doing?
i’ve stopped asking about the horrifying noises that come from the bathroom when you’re in there. anyway, i need to shower.
if you’d asked i could have told you how much effort it is to create a vacuum in a room of the house.
you know what i hate about the chinese?
would it be obtuse of me to guess that you’re reflecting on their constant violation of human rights within their culture?
*sigh* i imagine it’s probably impossible to dissuade you from your own personal reality.
i mean, yuck! raw fish,.. gross!
and what’s with that nintendo crap?
and that would be my cue to stop listening now
that ’mario’ guy, he’s not even chinese.
i was just talking to my friend megan. that bastard clive has been beating her up. there’s really nothing worse than someone who gets drunk and abusive.
oh please don’t tell me you’re about to defend this.
well, at least if he’s drunk and abusive he’d miss more often.
more often than what?
than if he was just abusive.
what are you doing?
having a drink.
that’s a lot of vodka for this time of morning.
aargh! dear lord! the pain!
the fan tore my face off!
my god! how?
i put my head in it.
it seemed like a good idea at the time.
of course dear. would you like me to call for an ambulance?
if it’s not too much trouble.
cheat! no eye gouging!
i need to borrow $5 for a lottery ticket.
*sigh* okay, but on one condition. if you win, you have to take me on a sailing trip around the world.
stuck on a boat for months at a time with only you for company?
thank god the odds are 8 million to one.
woohoo! touch down!
quiet, pea brain.
don’t interrupt me during the big game!!...woman...
what big game? there’s no football on tonight...
you idiot, that’s netball.
what?! but...ohh, so the ga jersey doesn’t stand for great arse?
excuse me horse, do you speak?
i thought not.
i kill me.
who the hell are you talking to?