 hey monique! you know voodoo dolls? well i just managed to cast a voodoo spell on a scale replica of the city of new orleans.fascinating  | and the best bit is, that it’s entirely covered in teflon. i just need to hose it off and it’s as good as new. | voodoo, yeesh! like that would ever work. |
i eat the flesh of babies, i store their souls in bottles...yeha. | usually, i’ll wash it down with the blood of kittens... that’s nice. | i love you.what!?!?! |
heh.hmm? | pussy.huh?pussy.  | i don’t get it.and you never will.classy. |
 remember you promised to give the stars to me, hajikioh lord, not more anime!!it’s pronounced ah-nih-meh | i can’t believe you enjoy that girlish nonsense.girlish!!??yeah! my god! if ’neighbours’ had killer robots you’d probably watch that too. | in my opinion, the only things that would improve that show are killer robots. |
| well, strange old scientist, my friends and our dog ’scooby’ are planning on spending the night in the old abandoned hologram factory. | the hologram factory? why, you don’t want to go there. that place is haunted. | these new episodes of ’scooby doo’ are very, very predictabledon’t tell me!! |
do you think i could be a successful pole dancer?what? that’s ridiculous,.. you’re not polish | i meant a table top dancer.hey!  | people have to eat off there. don’t even joke about a thing like that.it’s going to be hard to dance around a pole that’s wrapped around your pointy little head.i recognise this song. |
| *sigh*what’s up?somebody quayed my car. | what’s the problem? that sort of stuff will just buff right out. you’ve got the stuff in your garage. | they didn’t ’key’ my car, they dropped it in the bay. |
| did you hear that jamie wrote his wife’s name in the sky for their anniversary?big deal! i’ve done that for you before. | i said ’sky’,.. not ’snow’. | same thing. they’re both very elemental.i still get dirty looks when i go to that indoor ski slope. |
| ,..well, you’re a festering boil on the arse of humanity,.. database addressing error,.. | okay jon, i won’t eat the lasangathat’s a good cat | munch munch munchoh, i hate mondays |
| arrr, me land lubbin’ wench. though a fine one it be, what be you doin’ buyin’ fer ye’self a new car?*sigh* | my boss thought it would be a good idea to park his disgustingly large humvee on top of my astra. after i returned his testicles, he hired a new mercedes r-class for me to drive whilst he has my car repaired.arrrrrr! | oh, i see, very clever dear.r341i53 /\/\y 1337 c0mic 5ki11z! |
| my boss said he wanted to lick my anus.what?!! | he’d better have been joking!oh, yes,.. | he said it was all tongue in cheek.what!!?? |
| *burp*woah, must be my nuts coming up. | cashews, i had some cashews earlier. filthy girl.uh-huh. | there’s a joke somewhere in there about your balls having never dropped but to be quite honest, i couldn’t be stuffed.rude. |
 hello, is this the tyler-monique residence? | unfortunately. we need you to come collect your intoxicated husband from the local police station. | he was found asking a tree for sex, and claiming to be "the lizard queen".*sigh* again? i’ll bring the cage... |
| hello? am i comin’ to practice? fo’ shizzle s-bear. ’cow man 7’ will ride again! | yeah, i’m walking. we just got these new cordless phones. they can be used anywhere in the house, they’re great.tyler don’t take it in there ... tyler! | ahhh. where am i now? let’s just say it’s a relief to have access to such a technological convenience. s-bear?monique, i just lost my call. i don’t think the phones work in here.oh, i’m sure they do ... grot. |
| i think our house is haunted.too much tv for you, young man. | no, seriously. something keeps turning things off.like what? | well, first it turned off my sex life, then my love for you, then my will to live.now it just has to turn off your mouth. |
| we should go on holidays...to somewhere maybe in europe. | now why should we do that?? sounds like a waste of money to me!it says here that paris has the best nude beaches in the world. | i’ll get the keys!i knew you would see it my way. |
| "fur is murder," right?yes. | what if i was to remove and wear the skins of people who buy fur? is that murder?generally speaking, yes. | oh, that’s no fun.’fraid not. |
bzzzzttttt!!! aaaaaaaarrgh!!!! | diiiiid,... yoouuuuu,... earth,.... miiiiiy,... hair-dryeeeerrr,.. afteeeeeer,.. yoooooou,.... rewirreed,... it,...?yes, of course.whaaaaaat,... wiiiiith?? | my wife.shuuut,... iiit,... ooooff,.. yoooou,.. priiiiick !! |
| serenity comes out tomorrow. glee!didn’t you mention your boss wanted you to stay back late tomorrow to finish off those tps reports? | fuck. | fuck! |
| chilli sauce!!why are you so excited about,... | *cough* *gag* *cough!* | aaaaaaaagh!!!!!chilli sauce!!! |
| i crave the flesh of humans!wha... cravings?! oh no! monique, you’re not pregnant are you?! | i am not monique. i am unicron, devourer of worlds. i crave the flesh of humans! | aaaaaaaaaahhhh .... hey, wait a minute...tool. |
| *puff* *gasp*what’s with you?i just travelled back from the past where i killed your grandfather before he could conceive you. | | by the way, it turns out, your grandma’s a slut. |
| wow! it says here on e! news live that george w. bush is going to marry paris hilton.everything on that show is made up and only stupid people believe them. | lies! you speak lies!did you know the network is changing the show’s name to gullible! news live. | what?! but the name makes up 50% of the show!i rest my case. |
| | nope, this blows.i was enjoying it. |
| tyler! if you don’t get up soon, you’ll be late for work.i’m sleeping in. i don’t feel like going in today. | | you bastard! you’ve been messing with my pda again, it’s saturday!heh. |
ha ha ha ha ha ha  | then they asked--when we were having kids, i know! | ha ha ha ha ha ha |
| agh!! jesus!! what the hell is that??!! | i replaced the old dvd player. but,. wha,.. so??!! | this one has a zoom function!!eeeewwwww!!!!and i thought it was big before,.. |
| i played lawn bowls with my friends last night.how do you play that one?you have to try to roll your weighted bowl and get it closest to the jack. | i’ve played a game like that,..mmmm,... | except that you had to get your "jack" closest to the,...leaving now!! |
| "my dog stains are in you thanking"?!what the hell does that even mean? i’m sure the ’translators’ are just pulling the piss. | pulling the piss?y’know: having a lend; pulling your leg; to come a wry one? | and what language are you translating that from? |
| why the hell is there a pentagram sculpted in the sand garden?i was trying to summon a demon of hell to serve my earthly desires. | an excellent use of a saturday afternoon.speaking of which, did you do the washing up like i asked you? | finished!!yup. |