 the birds are singing, the sun is shining, it’s another wonderful day.are we on the ’happy’ suppositories today?getting there is half the fun.  | you don’t look too good. would you like me to drive you to work?actually yes, that would be nice, thanks. i haven’t been feeling too good since some ’actress’ bit me yesterday after i told her she was a "no-talent slut." i’ll just get my things. | braiiiiiiiiiinssss!you get the fuck away from me!  |
when we are old and grey, how would you like to remember our marriage?  | i would like to be able to remember all the good times, reflect upon how we loved and cherished one another.  | hoping the nursing home will pump you full of hallucinogens, eh?if they want to get paid they will. |
bang bang bang | bang click click | goddamnit! you out?yeah.well, we tried, i guess we’re stuck with each other. you’d think one of us would have gotten in a lucky shot though. |
| did you hear the story about the woman who was so fat and heavy that she set off a spring loaded trap and it failed completely?i’ve never heard that urban myth | sproing! | aaaaaagh!! myth,..busted! |
you’ve heard that story about the guy who’s drugged and wakes up in a bath full of ice and his kidneys are missing?oh, that story gave me nightmares. | a very similar thing happened to me when i was working at the donor organ clinic.mmm?only, i was drinking my 18th scotch on the rocks when i passed out. when i woke up, i was in a bathtub full of kidneys,.. | *sigh*and all my ice had gone.have you ever tried drinking warm scotch? it was horrifying. |
hey monique! you know voodoo dolls? well i just managed to cast a voodoo spell on a scale replica of the city of new orleans.fascinating | and the best bit is, that it’s entirely covered in teflon. i just need to hose it off and it’s as good as new. | voodoo, yeesh! like that would ever work. |
| i eat the flesh of babies, i store their souls in bottles...yeha. | usually, i’ll wash it down with the blood of kittens... that’s nice. | i love you.what!?!?! |