murmuring to yourself again? you know, a few broken ribs could change your feelings for me.

when your neck breaks, can i pawn your kidneys?

and?

you’re going to get it.

what the hell is that noise?

you misheard me! i said "i wish you had a bigger,..."

uh-huh.

--for yourself.

it’s a pity i’m the one with the tactical nuclear device then, isn’t it?

sounds interesting.

what a wanker!

what on earth are you doing?

i can’t say that i have, no. am i right to assume these donkeys would be "pining for the fjords"?

do you ever get bored of speaking shit 24/7?

in a manner of speaking.

your brother-in-law is away an awful lot. his daughter is growing up now, lillee isn’t really a baby anymore. does she ask after him? oh, what’s his name? i can never remember.

yeah, you know who.

you freak! why can’t we have a simple conversation anymore without you going mental? my mother was right, i should have stuck with my tamagotchi.

chicken hotdogs.

chicken hotdogs,.. instead of pork.

you knew hotdogs weren’t made of dogs didn’t you?

tyler, are you ok?

how on earth...? i thought you were going out today to prove me wrong about getting high from licking frogs or more specifically, toads.

ah, the scientific method, i’ll have my moron, ’à la descartes.’

that is,.. a horrible idea.

oh tyler, i don’t know what to say.

my neck?

ah, i feel this is one of those occasions that can only end in tears ... yours.

yes, you males love to equate drinking with having a good time. actually, i have to relay some important news to you.

i’m pregnant. your going to be a daddy.

really? that makes my heart swell tyler because i’m not really pregnant, however, your mum called earlier and said your grandma was run over by a school bus.

they just don’t make toys like they used to.

we have to get drunk ... immediately.

woo *urg* hoo. go to the bank and check our balance.

sweet jesus no! tell me you didn’t spend all our money on beans.

are we on the ’happy’ suppositories today?

actually yes, that would be nice, thanks. i haven’t been feeling too good since some ’actress’ bit me yesterday after i told her she was a "no-talent slut." i’ll just get my things.

i would like to be able to remember all the good times, reflect upon how we loved and cherished one another.

if they want to get paid they will.

i’ve never heard that urban myth

oh, that story gave me nightmares.

mmm?

*sigh*

fascinating

voodoo, yeesh! like that would ever work.

yeha.

that’s nice.

heh.

pussy.

pussy.

and you never will.

oh lord, not more anime!!

i can’t believe you enjoy that girlish nonsense.

yeah! my god! if ’neighbours’ had killer robots you’d probably watch that too.

these new episodes of ’scooby doo’ are very, very predictable

do you think i could be a successful pole dancer?

i meant a table top dancer.

it’s going to be hard to dance around a pole that’s wrapped around your pointy little head.

what’s up?

what’s the problem? that sort of stuff will just buff right out. you’ve got the stuff in your garage.

did you hear that jamie wrote his wife’s name in the sky for their anniversary?

i said ’sky’,.. not ’snow’.

i still get dirty looks when i go to that indoor ski slope.

,..well, you’re a festering boil on the arse of humanity,..

that’s a good cat

oh, i hate mondays

*sigh*

my boss thought it would be a good idea to park his disgustingly large humvee on top of my astra. after i returned his testicles, he hired a new mercedes r-class for me to drive whilst he has my car repaired.

oh, i see, very clever dear.

my boss said he wanted to lick my anus.

oh, yes,..

he said it was all tongue in cheek.

uh-huh.

there’s a joke somewhere in there about your balls having never dropped but to be quite honest, i couldn’t be stuffed.

tyler don’t take it in there ... tyler!

oh, i’m sure they do ... grot.

too much tv for you, young man.

like what?

now it just has to turn off your mouth.

we should go on holidays...to somewhere maybe in europe.

it says here that paris has the best nude beaches in the world.

i knew you would see it my way.

yes.

generally speaking, yes.

’fraid not.

didn’t you mention your boss wanted you to stay back late tomorrow to finish off those tps reports?

why are you so excited about,...

*cough* *gag* *cough!*

i crave the flesh of humans!

i am not monique. i am unicron, devourer of worlds. i crave the flesh of humans!

tool.

what’s with you?

everything on that show is made up and only stupid people believe them.

did you know the network is changing the show’s name to gullible! news live.

i rest my case.

i was enjoying it.

tyler! if you don’t get up soon, you’ll be late for work.

you bastard! you’ve been messing with my pda again, it’s saturday!

-when we were having kids, i know!

agh!! jesus!! what the hell is that??!!

but,. wha,.. so??!!

eeeewwwww!!!!

i played lawn bowls with my friends last night.

you have to try to roll your weighted bowl and get it closest to the jack.

mmmm,...

pulling the piss?

and what language are you translating that from?

why the hell is there a pentagram sculpted in the sand garden?

an excellent use of a saturday afternoon.

speaking of which, did you do the washing up like i asked you?

why can’t you have any grown up hobbies? video games are for children.

don’t you mean your psp senses?

ew ... why do i bother?

tyler, you’ve been spending a lot of time on that psp of yours.

quick question: what does your psp and your pp have in common?

they’re both handheld and fit easily inside my purse.

meditate, you?

i thought you said it was made from-

so, you didn’t like serenity?

geek.

he’s so dreamy,..

not you! ash mccloud from that new show.

what?

i just finished stephen hawking’s a brief history of time. i was surprised at how much i thought i understood.

please, let us bypass the adult conversation and head directly to the childish banter.

you’re just jealous that you could never pick up women as hot as the ones a guy with motor neuron disease can.

ass.

you are such a liar.

are so.

ho ho ho. well, as fun as this is, don’t you have work?

i wonder if he’ll realise which movie i got my ideas from when he discovers i’ve sewn bird seed into his pants lining.

heh,.. cock,..

what’s today?

i was thinking tuesday but it could be wednesday, it kinda feels like a wednesday to me.

tyler, i want to move. brisbane no longer does it for me, the idiocy rate is unacceptably high.

how about naples or perhaps chamonix? they’re supposed to be wonderful all year.

fine, what about tasmania? it’s still part of australia.

what the ... tyler, it’s only 7am and you’re already three sheets to the wind!

fine! happy birthday. i’m off to work.

what happened to you?

you were involved in an accident because you were doing something dumb? interesting.

i ... when did you get a bicycle?

i’ve stopped asking about the horrifying noises that come from the bathroom when you’re in there. anyway, i need to shower.

would it be obtuse of me to guess that you’re reflecting on their constant violation of human rights within their culture?

*sigh* i imagine it’s probably impossible to dissuade you from your own personal reality.

and that would be my cue to stop listening now

i was just talking to my friend megan. that bastard clive has been beating her up. there’s really nothing worse than someone who gets drunk and abusive.

oh please don’t tell me you’re about to defend this.

more often than what?

my god! how?

of course dear. would you like me to call for an ambulance?

booyah!

*sigh* okay, but on one condition. if you win, you have to take me on a sailing trip around the world.

quiet, pea brain.

what big game? there’s no football on tonight...

who the hell are you talking to?

i don’t hear anything.

ninjas!!

good gravy!!

funny!

it says here that rex hunt was bashed and left for dead an a street in byron bay.

yibbida yibbida

uh oh.

yes?

yeeees?

i gotta get out

just a special formula that detects if the wearer is about to partake of any crudely disguised libation.

i’m really very thrifty tyler, didn’t you know?

do you foresee this to be a question you’re likely to pose?

then, in all honesty tyler, i’d have to say i didn’t know.

if only he spent this much time and energy to become a cunning linguist.

do you remember anything before this week?

yeah, sure was. i wasn’t imagining the raining of toads was i?

ah, what do you suppose that was all about?

it didn’t seem a bit wierd to you?

righty-o ... how’s that cup of blood you’ve got there.

wow! those riots in france are getting pretty vicious.

you know, that joke stopped being funny about 40 years ago.

you want a voice-over?

i’m judging you.

i went to the mall for lunch today and was stunned by the sheer number of pregnant teenagers.

who?

remind me to slap your mother. besides, i don’t think it would take the kids long to figure out they could do it doggie-style so they could both watch x-files.

foxtrot uniform charlie kilo oscar foxtrot foxtrot.

when you

time together you

each other’s

i constantly feel like i’m in the middle of a sentence.

that’s no small injury tyler ... so to speak, you should seek medical attention.

fine, have it your way. so, no wieners for dinner then?

yes,... if you’re six.

yes??

by allah

oh, everyone wants to hear that as a prelude to constructive critisism.

oh, i’m sorry. is this better?

what do we say?

the notion that evolution of the species was guided by a greater intelligence? i thought you hated that stuff.

and so,...

*sigh* and this has never been mentioned before because,...?

i think you’re forgetting what the ’i’ in ’i.d’ stands for.

when i was in highschool, my boyfriends would always smother me with gifts to show how much they loved me.

filthy boy.

university was the same, my boyfriends would lavish me with expensive dinners and outings, although the smothering usually only involved whipped cream.

just out of curiosity, where might my exorbitantly priced gift be coming from?

yeah?

i love you, tyler

monique

fuck you, my darling!
fuck you