you’re home early. i thought you were meeting an old friend for drinks?
nah, she blew me off.
the saucy minx.
in your dreams, monkey boy.
waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
it’s coffee, cow face.
there’s coffee in my fly?
no, a fly in your coffee.
oh yeah, you’re right. waiter, there’s a fly in my coffee.
nothing to worry about, it’s just undissolved horse tranquilliser.
you know...this coffee tastes weird.
actually, i feel kind of drowsy. time to take a nap.
aah bed, i missed your soft, furry embrace...furry?!
aaah!! my face!! my almost beautiful face!
it’s amazing, the uses one can find for the tranquillisers obtained with every lion cub purchase.
that rice dish last night was delicious. who did you kill to get that recipe?
rice? i do believe that it was maggots.
weh ith de mouthwath?!
you were eating maggots, tyler. how did they taste?
tyler, was that your volvo making those horrendous noises.
it occasionally makes some dodgy sounds but i just turn the radio up, that seems to fix the problem.
i take it you’ve never heard the populist theory about the necessity vehicles have for a regular service.
service, shmervice. my car is a breatharian.
i wish you were a breatharian.
hey, err, is there a reason that you have a lock on your bedroom door?
yes. i don’t want you going through my panty drawer again. also, i really don’t like you. anyway, why do you ask?
i was trying to get some...umm...dvds...yeah, i was looking for dvds.
but i don’t have any porn...in there.
that’s not the point. i want to know where the key is.
it’s in a place where i know you would never look.
in a dictionary?
no, that’s where i keep the porn.
is she still out there?
yeah, i think she thinks we can’t see her hiding... in the zen garden... in clear daylight.
and she’s off again. ah, you only used one peg to hang out your underdurps and your shirts were hung right way up. bad tyler.
seriously, how many times have you told your mother to leave us alone? her falsies are still embedded in the windowsill upstairs from previous reconnaissance.
you could always talk to her yourself.
are you kidding?! she’s scary. remember our wedding night? she popped out of the shower cubicle in the hotel room to show me the proper procedure to put on a condom! *shudder*
please, you didn’t have to grow up with her.