F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Will you love me? '

written by

Dan

the traditional setup

will you love me when i’m old and wrinkled?

the traditional punchline

of course i do dear.

tyler’s actual answer

don’t be retarded you slack mole.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' We Love You Britney! '

written by

Goatlord

so, how was that jazz cd my cousin gave you?

i say hello to him once at one of your godawful family gettogethers and he thinks i’m his ticket to stardom.

a regular band will usually play music with instruments. whatever the hell your cousin was doing would be best adopted as an "interrogation" method at guantanamo bay.

not as good as he says he is, huh?

hardly. i thought i was listening to a horn and elephant scrotum orgy. naturally, my producer friends loved it.

naturally.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Odd Charges '

written by

Jeremy

darling, i was looking over the credit card bills, and i found an unusual charge.

it wasn’t a hooker!

i didn’t say it was...

oh. good! nevermind then.

you hired a hooker?

nah. it’s just porn.

so we still have to have sex?

afraid so.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Dusting '

written by

Dan

this place is so dusty.

then maybe you should do some dusting.

i’m not doing dusting. that’s a chick’s job.

a chick’s job?

yeah. hey, where are you going?

to get a broom.

oh, good.

you better start running.

ah, fuck

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Birds '

written by

Dan

great tits!

what?

i’m reading an article about birdlife.

oh.

nice boobies!

cock!

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Quentin Goldman '

written by

Goatlord

i’ve been thinking about terri schiavo.

she’s dead now tyler. just leave her be.

i was just wondering if the orderlies needed to use vaseline on her like they did uma in ’kill bill.’

i would not say such things if i were you.

why not? you can’t hurt me. westley and i are joined by the bonds of love.

what were we talking about?

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' In The Name Of '

written by

Goatlord

i’m home, late again. you know how aroused these gun nuts get when they’re talking about their collections. honestly, they should be arrested for public lewdness or maybe, indecent dealings with a firearm.

oh, you’re asleep...on the kitchen table, dead perhaps? hmmm, regular drool patern, still warm, not dead. that’s ok monique, we can play tomorrow.

*uff* time to lay off the donuts girl, we can’t afford an escalator.