i sometimes think back to what the priest said, the day we were married.
priest? you mean that guy dressed as elvis?
oh he was a priest, i’m just not sure from which church.
at any rate, most of it’s foggy but i remember these words like they were spoken yesterday.
"death do us part"
roll on, reaper.
amen to that.
who was your most memorable ex-girlfriend?
well,.. there was this italian girl with bad vision and disposable contacts.
what was so memorable about her?
she wore glasses all the time.
scary, scary girl,..
what about you?
there was this one guy who was scottish.
were you with him long?
nah, it was just a highland fling.
we need tivo.
it makes suggestions for shows based on what you like. tivo figures out what kind of person you are.
we already know what kind of "person" you are.
i was hoping it could tell us what manner of demonspawn you are, o’ watcher of reality shows.
one with good taste, o’ watcher of pro wrestling.
care to explain why the tivo is full of pay-per-view porn set in world war two?
i could take a guess...
last week, you recorded saving private ryan.
and you recorded showgirls. twice.
what happened to the tivo, darling?
i reset it, and recorded hours and hours of will & grace, and it still suggests home improvement and mechanic shows. so i tossed it.
i read that tivo can prove you’re gay.
no such luck for you, butch.
curse my heterosexuality.
you filthy, rag whore, dog fucking slut!
eat shit you dirty, ring raiding, nugget punching, mouldy arsed, elephant groping, necrophiliac!
sheep herding, felafel rapist!
holy shit! are you as turned on as i am? last one upstairs felches first.
hey no fair!
so...you wanted to be gay?
but, you like girls.
relative to what?