F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Suck the Hookah '

written by

Goatlord

that teacher friend of yours is an absolute riot. wow, can that man tell a joke! there was this one, a right corker..

yes, dylan has managed to be the life of any party for as long as i’ve known him but tyler dear, how many times do we have to go through this? you. can’t. tell. jokes.

nah, this one is sheer brilliance. i can’t go wrong.

what’s better than doing the horizontal folk dance with a 16 year old schoolgirl?

...nothing!

ha, fantastic. you know it’s funny, because it’s...

the pain!

hi, therese? your daughter is in dylan’s class this year right? yeah, about that...

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Morning Meeting '

written by

Jeremy

oh shit! my alarm didn’t go off. oh god, i’m late!

sorry. must have bumped it last night.

ahh! you bastard, i had a morning meeting with--

with brad pitt. yes, you told me many, many times last night.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Another Mother-in-Law Joke '

written by

Jeremy

... so i said, "get off my lawn, you old hag, or i’m calling the cops!"

hahahahaha!

you thought that was funny?

well, of course. it was a joke...right?

uh. on a completely unrelated note, there was a call from your mother. she needs bail money.

i’d kill you now, but she’s going to want that pleasure when she gets out.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Text Messages I Have Received '

written by

Goatlord

beware the lord of the fluorescent monkey penis!

are you drunk????

i’m having a weekend get together, can i borrow all your buffy and angel dvds?

lillee is here, 7lb 2oz.

can you bring a nutcracker?

i .will freeze your chickens :-(

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Betty or Veronica? '

written by

Goatlord

zoe or kaylee?

kaylee or river?

buffy or willow?

it’s just not fair!

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Vows '

written by

Dan

i sometimes think back to what the priest said, the day we were married.

priest? you mean that guy dressed as elvis?

oh he was a priest, i’m just not sure from which church.

at any rate, most of it’s foggy but i remember these words like they were spoken yesterday.

"death do us part"

roll on, reaper.

amen to that.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Exs '

written by

Dan

who was your most memorable ex-girlfriend?

well,.. there was this italian girl with bad vision and disposable contacts.

what was so memorable about her?

she wore glasses all the time.

scary, scary girl,..

what about you?

there was this one guy who was scottish.

were you with him long?

nah, it was just a highland fling.