do you think i’m fat?
well, let me put it this way
when we have sex i imagine princess leia in a gold bikini
and then i imagine that she’s chained to you.
why do we say ’as happy as a clam’?
because they’re always smiling
because they’re not married to you.
you couldn’t let it go, could you?
where has the romance in our relationship gone?
let me think.
it’s not on page seven. let me check page eight.
do you know what happened to my crystal decanter?
do you recall that fight we had?
the one where i got hit in the head with a crystal decanter
what would you do if i had an affair?
i’d build snowmen with joseph stalin.
that makes no sense!
it makes perfect sense. i’d have to be dead...
...and for someone else to sleep with you, hell would be under six feet of snow.
this coffee is awful. taste this.
no thank you.
who made it?
what did you use for a filter? a dirty sock?
your dirty sock, actually. maybe now you will remember to pick up filters after work.
at least it wasn’t your sock.
that was yesterday’s pot.
my dog has no nose.
...you don’t have a dog.
ok then, your dog has no nose.