Celebrated my birthday this last weekend. Bought myself a Cricut paper cutting machine and spend the whole weekend enjoying creating stuff. The results were sub standard but the pleasure in learning new stuff is everything I enjoy.
Celebrated my birthday this last weekend. Bought myself a Cricut paper cutting machine and spend the whole weekend enjoying creating stuff. The results were sub standard but the pleasure in learning new stuff is everything I enjoy.
We put together the last bed today. We're officially moved back in more than 2 years after the flood. Everything else is just cosmetic. It was a more emotional moment than either of us expected.
I've been looking forward to many things for many years. Paying off the mortgage. Repairing the home that was destroyed by floods. Getting moved back in. A week off. Now that is all behind me. I don't have any important life things to look forward to. And so I find myself looking forward to video game releases. Putting an enormous amount of emotional investment into getting to play Hades 2 or Satisfactory.
I drank a couple of glasses of red wine last night. This is a rare occurrence these days though it used to be a nightly one. I don't have a headache today. I'm not nauseous. But I do have this terrible melancholy. Drinking wine is like drinking synthetic happiness. It sours overnight and pools in the body as despondency. My world view is pessimistic. I don't think anything is good. I suppose that's why they call it whine.
I've been playing around with VR recently and it's such a compelling experience. The odd thing is that when I'm not using it I keep hallucinating various windows are popping off my screens. I didn't realise how fragile my sense of depth was and how quickly it can be trained to expect the impossible.
I lost some progress in two different video games recently and it had me thinking about our desire for security and when that is ripped from us through no fault of our own. I can't imagine the horror of losing your live savings. And yet I lost heaps of stuff in the flood and I'm still here making the best of each day. But gosh it sucks that I could do everything right and still end up it a crappy situation. A secure future is an illusion and what matters is right here and right now.
I find myself worrying about the future and I wonder at what age that stops. When my future can be measured in months I wonder if I'll care about what will happen in fifty years.
I'm at that lovely point where a project has completed and my free time becomes a time to consider what to do next. I can play with little experiments without committing to anything. This hasn't happened in a long time. Possibly since 2019.