F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' 1001 Uses '

written by

Goatlord

ow...honey i’m home!

he slurs drunkenly after staggering through the screen door...at 6am no less.

sweety, i can explain. i was out drinking with the boys when i met this hot chick and well, one thing led to another and we ended up going at it hammer and tong all night. i’m really sorry.

right...and my uncle noel doesn’t have carnal knowledge of animals. what really happened?

ok, ok. i was out drinking with the boys and after we got chucked out at closing time, they thought it would be a good idea to duct tape me to the nearest roundabout....again.

oh tyler, you could have at least put on clean underwear before you left yesterday.

*sniff* *sniff*

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' My Hands Are Empty Now '

written by

Goatlord

i need a better hiding place for my invisibility potion don’t i?

maybe.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' CD Burning '

written by

Dan

what’s that smell?

you wanted me to burn you some madonna cds.

the cd writer makes that smell?

cd writer?

my madonna cds!!!!

whoopsie. silly tyler.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Elephant Tangent '

written by

Dan

so, what elephants have the biggest ears? the indian elephant,..

or you?

have you ever seen ’reservoir dogs’ tyler?

you’re going to cut my ear off?

could be tyler. could be.

imagine an elephant version of reservoir dogs.

wow! you’d need, like, a chain saw.

yeah, one that could be operated without thumbs.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Handy Tips for Swatting Flies '

written by

Goatlord

handy tip #407

when using hand tools of any variety (esp. hammers), put said tools down before any attempt at swatting.

uh..tyler, are you ok?

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Turderific '

written by

Goatlord

guess what all the cool kids are drinking these days?

i don’t care.

jagermeister. that stuff is soo cool, you can’t be cool unless you’re drinking... jagermeister.

with all the advertisments, competitions and pub sluts, it is no wonder that jagermeister is the essence of cool.

prithee mr cool, may i assume you have purchased a quantity of this wondrous beverage?

i’m drinking it right now, mmmm mmm, yeah baby!

frankly, i fail to see how my vast repository of cool could possibly grow by me drinking the fetid concentrate of warthog diarrhoea.

i’m afraid your coolness quotient has dropped below any quatifiable means.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Hotter than the Sun '

written by

Goatlord

i thought i asked you to stop using my invisibility potion? it doesn’t grow on trees you know. well ok, it does grow on trees but it’s really hard to find, seeing as you can’t see it, see?

well?

i’m in the other room, moron.