 did you keep your optometrist appointment today?optometrist? why yes i did. he said there was nothing wrong and gave me a lollypop.did she now?  | of course, i was a good little boy and all good little boys have to go aaaaand watch the cricket.you? cricket? hah! ok mr 20/20, who’s playing?  | geez! if you must know, it is a rather enthralling game between turkmenistan and, ah...austria.  |
| what are you thinking about?what? right now? it’s a bit weird. are you sure you want to know?yes, i really would. | well,..if you were to cut someone, while they were still alive, from the stomach to the neck, should you cut up or down to avoid arterial spray?  | and she never asked that question again and they were both happy.  |
when i was a boy, there was a pig in the village who made a small thatched cottage out of straw. | the villagers said it was ’bedevilled’ and burnt it at the stake. | it was delicious.oh god, i wish work started earlier. |
| when i was young, i was addicted to those ’your mamma so fat’ jokes. now i’m married to you i find it quite ironic.actually, it wouldn’t be ironic. if your mother was so concerned with your ’addiction’ that she turned to binge eating, that would be ironic. | gee, thanks for that.any time you want me to point out your flaws just give me a call. | now, is there anything else you’d like to know before i tear you a new anus?um, yes. just give me to time to put the question. |
mmm, tasty coffee. | did you know that cyanide tastes like almonds? | *bleuch!*of course, almonds taste like almonds also. |
the biggest australian dramas of ’05!  | who will live? who will be horribly disfigured in a low budget makeover show? | who gives a flying..tyler!whatever. |
| ’the o.c.’ was billed as channel 10’s "guilty pleasure." now channel 7 are advertising their new "show" ’desperate housewives’ as "the biggest, must see, guilty pleasure." it’s disgustingly childish.perhaps channel 9 can go with, "the biggest, must see, guilty pleasure that no parent can afford to miss" for csi:ny. | not funny but i wouldn’t bet against it.ok then, what did elvis like to use as a tv remote? | a colt .45 automatic. oh yeah, the king of comedy, uh-huh. thankyouverymuch.ahhh, goforthandmultiply. |