F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' I see Donkeys! '

written by

Goatlord

do you believe in ghosts?

do i...you’re joking right? isn’t that a part of the ’getting to know you’ phase of the relationship? how long have we been married? have i been mistaken in the belief that our ’honeymoon’ phase is looong over?

you know what would be better than this? double shots of absinth...yeah...fuck yeah!

i only ask, as i was passing the liquor cabinet earlier and i thought i saw a ghost holding a donkey up on high, ready to beat the next person to come near said cabinet with said donkey. i just wanted a second opinion as to whether or not i was going mad.

my dog has no nose!

beware!

man this shit be good...i see donkeys!

right, not going mad.

the pain!!!!

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Pilot License '

written by

Dan

i’ve been thinking about getting my pilot’s license.

you want to fly an airplane?

well, any mode of transport that gets me away from you, really.

i can probably organise a canon.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Do you see what I see? '

written by

Goatlord

did you keep your optometrist appointment today?

optometrist? why yes i did. he said there was nothing wrong and gave me a lollypop.

did she now?

of course, i was a good little boy and all good little boys have to go aaaaand watch the cricket.

you? cricket? hah! ok mr 20/20, who’s playing?

geez! if you must know, it is a rather enthralling game between turkmenistan and, ah...austria.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Thinking '

written by

Dan

what are you thinking about?

what? right now? it’s a bit weird. are you sure you want to know?

yes, i really would.

well,..

if you were to cut someone, while they were still alive, from the stomach to the neck, should you cut up or down to avoid arterial spray?

and she never asked that question again and they were both happy.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' And this little pig '

written by

Dan

when i was a boy, there was a pig in the village who made a small thatched cottage out of straw.

the villagers said it was ’bedevilled’ and burnt it at the stake.

it was delicious.

oh god, i wish work started earlier.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Irony '

written by

Dan

when i was young, i was addicted to those ’your mamma so fat’ jokes. now i’m married to you i find it quite ironic.

actually, it wouldn’t be ironic. if your mother was so concerned with your ’addiction’ that she turned to binge eating, that would be ironic.

gee, thanks for that.

any time you want me to point out your flaws just give me a call.

now, is there anything else you’d like to know before i tear you a new anus?

um, yes. just give me to time to put the question.

F#@$ You, My Darling!

created by Dan Beeston.

' Almonds '

written by

Dan

mmm, tasty coffee.

did you know that cyanide tastes like almonds?

*bleuch!*

of course, almonds taste like almonds also.