what would you do if i had an affair? i’d build snowmen with joseph stalin. | that makes no sense! it makes perfect sense. i’d have to be dead... | ...and for someone else to sleep with you, hell would be under six feet of snow. |
this coffee is awful. taste this. no thank you. | who made it? me. what did you use for a filter? a dirty sock? | your dirty sock, actually. maybe now you will remember to pick up filters after work. at least it wasn’t your sock. that was yesterday’s pot. |
my dog has no nose. ...you don’t have a dog. | ok then, your dog has no nose. |
beware the fetid donkey cheese! it consumes with a hitherto unknown passion for the art of kanly. | beware the wife with the hitherto unknown passion for dropping acid in her husband’s morning coffee. | mmmmm....snozberry. |
yo yo yo my skanky ho! | i be keepin it real wit my gangsta homies aight! chilly willy, funky monkey, yo...da. biatch! | i think mr ps2 needs a nice, relaxing coffee bath. werd. |
here’s something interesting. today i knocked my ring against a window and i freaked that i’d be blamed for damage, but the window was fine. | in fact, it turns out that the stone in my ring now has a small scratch in it. i thought that diamond was the strongest substance there was. | what do you think that means? in hindsight i would have bought talc. |
am i beginning to lose some of my boyish good looks? hmmm,.. well,.. | it’s like someone built a car out of ugly sticks,.. | ,..and then backed it over your head. |