settled on your new years resolutions yet? i’ve decided that i am perfectly fine the way i am. | i actually sort of like you this way. |
i’m still hung over. you’re hung over? i think i tried to drink the dog. | i believe the expression is "hair of the dog." i know. | ew. |
i’m sorry. i got drunk at the party last night and made out with another woman. what?! | if it makes it any better she was a horribly ugly mole with a gross vivid green shirt. vivid green,..?? | you bastard, that was me. oh, now i really do feel sick. |
blast! i dropped my pen. | while you’re down there,.. | ow! |
wow, it says here that 5 out of 6 women dream of cutting off their husband’s manhood and beating him to death with it. | really? oh wait....no, that’s just me. |
so according to this,.. the animal that i am most like would be,... hmm, a slug. hah! yeah, i’d agree with that. | me too. the slug has the largest penis in relation to it’s body size of any animal in the known world. | salt? you can be quite heartless when you want to be, can’t you? |
i’ve had enough of your failure to mow the lawn so i’ve had the whole thing dug up and replaced with a japanese sand garden. so i don’t have to mow any more? no, and i don’t have to complain to you about mowing anymore. | we both win. yes, we both win. | one month later,.. the lawn needs raking into intricate patterns reflecting our current tao. again?!! |