i left the house this morning and my volvo wasn’t handling very well. i suspected that my steering had become unbalanced so i pulled over and do you know what i found? | supermarket trolley wheels! supermarket trolleys wheels. someone had replaced my wheels with supermarket trolley wheels. that was me. | no shit! |
hi there, is this tyler? yes? who’s this? good news tyler! on behalf of radio station 67.8fm you’ve won the opportunity to benefit from over $5000 worth of goods for an initial outlay of only $35 | good news friendly telemarketer. thanks to my new inbound call tracking system you’ve "won" the opportunity to benefit from the fact that i work at a gun store and i get cut-price weaponry and ammunition. erm,.. don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything. we’re already on our way. | *click* i’m going out sweetie. aw no, killing telemarketers? he’s going to want sex tonight. |
imagine if you were a werewolf. you could go get your haircut on the day before the full moon and then return the next day for a refund. it’d be the perfect scam. | so, your scam would be that you ended up with no extra money than you had, and no haircut but you’d have managed to waste a hairdressers time,..? | fucking hairdressers |
i wonder if the olympics will make "tonsil hockey" a national sport... | at least you already know you suck. | goal! |
teehee! when monique is away, tyler will play...or in this case, download some porn! | 2%...2%...2%... | tyler! i’m home; to wreck your fun! *sigh* this is going to be a long night. |
i ofudn a edr nep no het lofor. si it uyors? no. | ho, ko hetn. are you feeling ok? you sound a little off. | i elfe nfie. hwy do uyo ska? no reason. |
i hate you... | murmuring to yourself again? you know, a few broken ribs could change your feelings for me. yes, but a few less ribs would rid my need of you anyway. | when your neck breaks, can i pawn your kidneys? |