they routinely fellate diseased warthogs in the vain attempt to summon their one true lord and master satan, lord of the flies, devourer of souls and producer of those boils you get around the rim of your sphincter that really hurt when you try to open the freezer door just after someone’s shut it so fast that all the air has escaped making it nigh on impossible to re-open...

what?

i’m pretty sure that’s never been said about the kangaroos before.

donkeys are by far the best source of vitamin q the world has ever seen. i know this because my family has been breeding donkeys for the past 17 generations.

phantasms eat regularly to help keep those annoying monkey burgers at bay. remember what they say, "a monkey burger a day, helps keep the giraffes from eating your small intestines while you sleep."

when i lick the noodles of my mind, i immediately understand life. i become life. to lick the noodles of my mind is to understand perfection as seen from the lickable noodles of my mind. i lick therefore i am.

reform no other before me, i am as the wind through the undergarments of life. i am the undergarments of life. i blow therefore i lick therefore i am. so it is written, so shall it be, forever more.

my soul? i don’t think so.

my soul is my own. without it, i am not me. how may i freely give my love to you if i am... not?

i...

i left the house this morning and my volvo wasn’t handling very well.

i suspected that my steering had become unbalanced so i pulled over and do you know what i found?

supermarket trolleys wheels. someone had replaced my wheels with supermarket trolley wheels.

no shit!