Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Mmm...Pottery '
written by
Stumpybear
:Tyler says from offstage: ah hermione, you sexy little know-it-all. if only you were real...
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: hey tyler, are you up to the bit where hermione dies yet?
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says from offstage: nooo!! my life, it flashes before my eyes!
:Monigue says: heh-heh...geek.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Something Flowery '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: mmmm, reading each new ’harry potter’ book is like putting on a favoured old coat or perhaps a brand new pair of woollen socks. they feel so warm and snuggly, very easy to slip into.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: although, the same could be said of a two dollar whore.
:Tyler says: but we won’t.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Foolishness '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: what are you watching?
:Monigue says from offstage: ’monk,’ yet another dopey american detective show.
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: does he spell his name with a silent ’e’ and ’y’?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: begone git!
:Tyler says from offstage: ooo, ooo, ooo!
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Lie to me baby! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: ok, i’ll bite. what’s got you so steamed?
:Tyler says: the patent office rejected another of my applications! it was the best one yet!
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: how could they reject a "vaginal sneakoscope"?!
,Tyler angry.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: oh, c’mon!
,Tyler query.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Politeness '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i want you to be on your best behaviour at this dinner party tonight.
:Tyler says: of course. you can trust me.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
later that night.
:Monigue says from offstage: i can’t believe you!! i can’t take you anywhere!!
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: what the hell is your problem? all i did was say that i liked her hat.
:Monigue says from offstage: she is a siamese twin.
:Tyler says: oh,.. that would explain why it was so life like,...

,..and foul mouthed.
,Tyler query.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Horsy Jerky '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: "nose biting is said still to be practised in micronesia. while nose biting is a well described phenomenon, this is not the case with bites to the penis,..."
:Monigue says: pity.
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: chew my domesticated beast of burden.
:Monigue says: i am not eating your vomit tyler.
:Tyler says: vomit?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: yes you’re very clever but i refuse to "chew your yak."
:Tyler says: oh, no, what i meant was, bite my ass, y’know donkey, ha ha. fine, just forget it.
:Monigue says: perhaps i can get the yak to take lessons from the micronesians.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' BEADS! '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says from offstage: dear? why did the bank send us a ’thank-you’ letter for taking out a second mortgage on the house when we haven’t taken out a second mortgage?
:Monigue says: i needed some money to finance a new project i’m working on.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: your going to finance your own movie by remor... you did it to buy more beads didn’t you?
:Monigue says: beads.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: it’s a very unhealthy obsesion monique. whilst i admit the bead underpants are extremely stimulating, i think you should sto..
:Monigue says: beads!
,Tyler talk.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The Bare Facts '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: did you get that game from your friend for the dinner party on friday?
:Monigue says: no.
:Tyler says: what? he said we could borrow it. we even invited the little prick to the dinner.
,Tyler talk.,Monique guilty.
:Monigue says: he changed his mind. he said it was in his car and that he was kind of using it.
:Tyler says: he’s using a board game in his car? can’t he see over the steering wheel?
:Monigue says: who knows? look, he’s just a little prick.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: oh for chet’s sake! this always happens. i guess we’ll just have to play cards, again! i’m really getting sick of playing strip poker with your parents monique.
:Monigue says: you and me both. *shudder*
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Michael Bay '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: from the creator of ’pearl harbor’ and ’armageddon’,...
:Monigue says: transformers, the live action film.
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: next he’s going to travel back in time and steal all your toys.
:Tyler says: *sob*
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fourth Wall '
written by
Dan
beginning of token ’fourth wall breaking’ strip.
,Tyler silent.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: i am in a comic strip.
:Monigue says: hey! so am i.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
end of token ’fourth wall breaking’ strip.
,Tyler silent.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Blake’s One '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says from offstage: tyler, do you remember what we did with the futon?
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: futon? isn’t that what you measure the atomic mass of tofu in?
,Tyler query.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: i had no idea tofu was on the periodic table.
:Tyler says: oh yeah, it’s like number thirty-three or something.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The day of the NOSE! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: do you know what today is tyler?
:Tyler says: oh wow, thanks, i’d almost forgotten. today is
the day of the nose.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: it’s the day the whole world celebrates your filthy, enormous, wart ridden, nose!
:Monigue says: excuse me but my nose is dainty and precious.
:Tyler says: well... it is now.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: it’s the day of the nose, the day of the nose, hooray for today as it’s the day of the nose!
:Monigue says: no dancing on the coffee table, bacon boy.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Picks '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i’m doing a tafe course to learn how to pick locks.
:Tyler says: what?
,Tyler shock.,Monique slygrin.
:Monigue says: yeah! it’s kind of fun learning a new skill.
:Tyler says: well, there goes that plan.
,Tyler news.,Monique slygrin.
:Monigue says: what was that?
:Tyler says: nothing.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Large’s Ark '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: hey there lebanese blonde.
:Monigue says: let go blue eyes.
:Tyler says: you can call me orange sky. would you like to go to the fair? we could see such great heights.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: don’t panic but one of these things first, i’m in the waiting line on this winding road to see movie beat.
:Tyler says: man, is this some new slang you’re speaking? caring is creepy.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i just don’t think i’ll ever get over you.
:Monigue says: you are the only living boy in new york.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Gaz’s Arc '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: would you like to give me an australian kiss?
:Tyler says: am i likely to wear the dolmio grin?
:Monigue says: no.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: get a lump in my throat?
:Monigue says: nope, not even taste a trap for mieces.
:Tyler says: ok then.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: ooo! a azor bade, at’s new.
:Monigue says: nifty.
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Memories '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: do you remember when there was love and romance in our lives?
:Tyler says: ah, halcyon days.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: whatever happened?
:Tyler says: she left me.
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: what the,.
you fucker?
:Tyler says from offstage: escape!!
,Tyler none.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Plumber’s Rapture '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: do anything interesting today?
:Tyler says: no, my sweet.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: nothing all day?
:Tyler says: no, my mills and boonian vision of all that is love, nothing.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: you’ve been drinking again haven’t you?
:Tyler says: nothing but drinking, my sweet apple blossom. draino now comes in six packs, bless them.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Love heart '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: have you ever noticed that a traditional love heart, when turned upside down, looks like a bum?
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: every day, tyler.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: really? cause i only just noti,...
:Tyler says: oh, very trite. well done.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Wet Your Wick '
written by
Goatlord
crash
:Tyler says from offstage: goddamnit! where is it?!
:Tyler says from offstage: monique? have you seen my...ah...y’know that, thingo that i can’t find?
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: your thingo hey? what does it look like?
:Tyler says from offstage: it’s green and i need it to do that thing i need to do.
:Monigue says: well if my thingo was green i’d want to see a doctor about it.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: funny. if ’it’ was green, there’s only one pot i’ve been dipping it in that would make it so....number one.
,Tyler none.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Margarine '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: you know, you shouldn’t eat margarine. it’s ninety percent plastic.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i think what you mean to say is that it’s one molecule from being plastic.
:Monigue says: well, that’s still bad.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: that’s like saying that i should give up drinking water because it’s only one molecule from being hydrogen-peroxide.
:Monigue says: erm,..
:Tyler says: i know, i’ll stop breathing, because oxygen is only one molecule from being ozone.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Alternative Therapy '
written by
Goatlord
fizzle
pop
:Monigue says from offstage: tyler!
,Tyler guilty.,Monique none.
:Monigue says: tyler, my love, when i asked you to pick up a replacement lithium-ion battery for my laptop, what type did you really purchase?
:Tyler says: ah,... seawater and earwax.
,Tyler query.,Monique angry.
:Tyler says: owie! they told me it was a new universal type of battery that could power anything.
:Monigue says from offstage: hold that thought. let’s just see if it can universally power your caboose!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Any Other Day... '
written by
Goatlord
television blares! what can you say about the kangaroos that hasn’t been said before?!
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: they routinely fellate diseased warthogs in the vain attempt to summon their one true lord and master satan, lord of the flies, devourer of souls and producer of those boils you get around the rim of your sphincter that really hurt when you try to open the freezer door just after someone’s shut it so fast that all the air has escaped making it nigh on impossible to re-open...
:Tyler says: what?
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: i’m pretty sure that’s never been said about the kangaroos before.
:Monigue says: any other day i would have to agree but according to this article in the quibbler...
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Be My Victim '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says from offstage: candyman. candyman. candyman. candyman. candyman.
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
helen?
:Tyler says from offstage: she’s downstairs big guy.
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
it’s always been you helen.
:Monigue says from offstage: bastard!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Ringu '
written by
Goatlord
phone says! phone says! , phone says! phone says! , phone says! phone says!
:Tyler says from offstage: monique! what’s the big idea swapping some arty farty video with my favourite cheerleader movie?!
:Monigue says: moi?
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
phone says! phone says! , phone says! phone says! , phone says! phone says!
:Tyler says from offstage: yes you! why don’t you do something useful and answer the phone!
:Monigue says: i think you’ll find it’s for you dear.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: fine! whatever!
:Tyler says from offstage: hello? yes. what?!
oh, you muthafu...
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Ancient ramblings of a disenchanted youth. '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: donkeys are by far the best source of vitamin q the world has ever seen. i know this because my family has been breeding donkeys for the past 17 generations.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: phantasms eat regularly to help keep those annoying monkey burgers at bay. remember what they say, "a monkey burger a day, helps keep the giraffes from eating your small intestines while you sleep."
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: lazy!
,Tyler silent.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A handy self affirmation. '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: when i lick the noodles of my mind, i immediately understand life. i become life. to lick the noodles of my mind is to understand perfection as seen from the lickable noodles of my mind. i lick therefore i am.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: reform no other before me, i am as the wind through the undergarments of life. i am the undergarments of life. i blow therefore i lick therefore i am. so it is written, so shall it be, forever more.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: ah-monkey.
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Now, you are Mine! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: i want your soul.
:Tyler says: my soul? i don’t think so.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: you wanted to marry me, you wanted my love. i gave you my love as you gave me yours. your love is mine, and no others. i want your soul!
:Tyler says: my soul is my own. without it, i am not me. how may i freely give my love to you if i am... not?
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: i want your soul!
:Tyler says: i...
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Handling '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i left the house this morning and my volvo wasn’t handling very well.
:Tyler says: i suspected that my steering had become unbalanced so i pulled over and do you know what i found?
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: supermarket trolley wheels!
:Tyler says: supermarket trolleys wheels. someone had replaced my wheels with supermarket trolley wheels.
:Monigue says: that was me.
,Tyler talk.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: no shit!
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Competition '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says from offstage: phone says! hi there, is this tyler?
:Tyler says from offstage: yes? who’s this?
:Tyler says from offstage: phone says! good news tyler! on behalf of radio station 67.8fm you’ve won the opportunity to benefit from over $5000 worth of goods for an initial outlay of only $35
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: good news friendly telemarketer. thanks to my new inbound call tracking system you’ve "won" the opportunity to benefit from the fact that i work at a gun store and i get cut-price weaponry and ammunition.
:Tyler says from offstage: phone says! erm,..
:Tyler says from offstage: don’t worry, you don’t have to do anything. we’re already on our way.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: phone says! *click*
:Tyler says from offstage: i’m going out sweetie.
:Monigue says: aw no, killing telemarketers? he’s going to want sex tonight.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Werewolf '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: imagine if you were a werewolf. you could go get your haircut on the day before the full moon and then return the next day for a refund.
:Tyler says: it’d be the perfect scam.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: so, your scam would be that you ended up with no extra money than you had, and no haircut but you’d have managed to waste a hairdressers time,..?
,Tyler silent.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: fucking hairdressers
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique news.
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