Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Parallel Tyler 3 '
written by
Dan
our universe
:Tyler says from offstage: okay, if i destroy the device she should never be able to return.
bash!
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
qua-pop!
:Monigue says: eep!
:Tyler says from offstage: who said that?
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
:Monigue says: no! no! noooooooooo!!!
:Tyler says from offstage: oh no!
:Monigue says: send me back, send me back!!
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Healthy Hair '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: how long has it been since you washed your hair?
:Tyler says: a couple of months i guess.
:Monigue says: yuck. i can’t believe how unhealthy your hair is.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: unhealthy? it’s dead. they’re dead skin cells. any advertisment that’s telling you you need healthy hair is nonsense.
:Monigue says: dead?
:Tyler says: hair stops being alive a millimetre below the scalp.
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: honestly, it’s like spraying lacquer over a cadaver. ’grandpa’s dead but the spray-on laminate has stopped him rotting too quickly’.
:Tyler says: in fact, so far as society is concerned, the less life in your hair the better.
:Monigue says: which brings me to my next point.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Saucy! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: you’re home early. i thought you were meeting an old friend for drinks?
:Tyler says: nah, she blew me off.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: the saucy minx.
:Monigue says: in your dreams, monkey boy.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Special Java '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
:Monigue says: it’s coffee, cow face.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: there’s coffee in my fly?
:Monigue says: no, a fly in your coffee.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: oh yeah, you’re right. waiter, there’s a fly in my coffee.
:Monigue says: nothing to worry about, it’s just undissolved horse tranquilliser.
,Tyler talk.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' What’s up, pussy cat? '
written by
Stumpybear
:Tyler says: you know...this coffee tastes weird.
:Tyler says: actually, i feel kind of drowsy. time to take a nap.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: aah bed, i missed your soft, furry embrace...furry?!
meeeow!!
:Tyler says from offstage: aaah!! my face!! my almost beautiful face!
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: it’s amazing, the uses one can find for the tranquillisers obtained with every lion cub purchase.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Wriggly Wormses '
written by
Stumpybear
:Tyler says: that rice dish last night was delicious. who did you kill to get that recipe?
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: rice? i do believe that it was maggots.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: weh ith de mouthwath?!
:Monigue says: you were eating maggots, tyler. how did they taste?
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Breathe '
written by
Goatlord
grind
crunch
bang
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: tyler, was that your volvo making those horrendous noises.
:Tyler says: it occasionally makes some dodgy sounds but i just turn the radio up, that seems to fix the problem.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: i take it you’ve never heard the populist theory about the necessity vehicles have for a regular service.
:Tyler says: service, shmervice. my car is a breatharian.
:Monigue says: i wish you were a breatharian.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
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