Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Pros and Cons '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: have you ever used a prostitute?
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: for sex? no!
,Tyler query.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: ummmmm,..
:Tyler says: best not to ask.
:Monigue says: ok
,Tyler news.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Escapee '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: did you hear about the new zealand escapee?
:Monigue says: mmm?
:Tyler says: he was ’on the lamb’.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: uh.
:Tyler says: i’m a comic genius.
:Monigue says: you make, me, laugh.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: thank you.
:Monigue says: no, i mean,...
:Monigue says: auh, damnit!
,Tyler coffee.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The true meaning of Christmas (pt2) '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: delta’s ventricle is entreated to a show of disparity.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: seemingly yellow, chantelle’s sheep flows northward in search of the monkey poet.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: the dubiousness of your heritage is plainly evident.
:Tyler says: heh-heh
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The best years of our life '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: is there any coffee in that scotch?
:Tyler says: i’m as jober as sudge, orificer.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: do you remember when we were young and couldn’t keep our hands off each other?
:Monigue says: yes.....ah.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: scull, scull, scull...
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Omnipotence of one '
written by
Goatlord
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
in other news, a 439 car pile up on the freeway has surprisingly produced only one fatality, that of a female commuter.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: honey, i’m home.
:Tyler says: ah me, dreams dashed upon the rocks of "god thinks he’s a funny prick."
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' French '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: tu n’est qu’un bon a rien. ta vie est un echec.
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: tout l’espace qu’il y a dans tes pantalons, ca me fait hurler de rire.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: stop that!
:Monigue says: je n’ai pas envie de m’arreter.
:Tyler says: tu est,.. une,... um,.. le bitchhead!
,Tyler angry.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Volvo vs Astra '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: so you’re saying that your astra is better than my volvo in every single way?
:Monigue says: well, yes. my astra goes faster, has better acceleration, is more comfortable, has better handling and has better fuel consumption. it’s better in every single way.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: mmm?
:Monigue says: in fact, i could beat you in any type of competition with my astra.
,Tyler silent.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: wanna play chicken?
:Monigue says: uh, no.
,Tyler talk.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Gun Shop '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know maybe you should show me a little more respect, i do work in a gun shop you know?
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
:Monigue says: you’re their accountant!
,Tyler guilty.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: well,.. have you done your tax yet? there are fines you know?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Slurpee Headache '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: did you know that the ’cold’ headache that you get when you suck too hard on a slurpee is the same as why people get a pain in their left arm when there’s a problem with their heart? the brain confuses the signals.
,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: does this explain why i get the creeping horrors when you kiss me?
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: no. that’s because i hate you.
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sexually Satisfied '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i just want you to know that i felt sooo sexually satisfied last night.
,Tyler news.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: but i came home late from,...
,Tyler shock.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: fuck you, my darling!
,Tyler talk.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Attraction '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: are you still attracted to me?
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: gravitationally?
,Tyler news.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: ow!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Close the iris '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: when i was little, i lived in a house that had a chimney.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: one christmas, i’m pretty sure i heard the chimney say ’no’.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A Pet '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i was thinking of getting a pet.
:Monigue says: a pet?
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: don’t you like animals?
:Monigue says: i married you, didn’t i.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
,Tyler silent.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Bobbin up and down '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: ..chickens in choppers, heh-heh. *sniff* *sniff* did you just fart?
:Monigue says: women don’t fart
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: mi dispiace signora, did you just break wind?
:Monigue says: no
:Tyler says: then what is that god awful smell?
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: probably the prawns i sewed into your jacket
,Tyler angry.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The true meaning of Christmas (pt 3) '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: the fire of you heart burns cold for my loins
:Monigue says: yes, my dog’s satay is nubian
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: when your yoghurt nose twists unfairly, simon melts their face
:Monigue says: freakishly, bovines know the origin of your honour
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: mmmmm
:Monigue says: snozberry
,Tyler coffee.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Making a List '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: singing! he’s making a list,
:Monigue says: singing! and checking it once.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: singing! he already knows,
:Monigue says: singing! that people are cunts!
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: so you’re doing the christmas shopping today eh?
:Monigue says: singing! santa claus is gunning, the town.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Liking Christmas '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: you know what i like the most about christmas?
:Tyler says: mmm? what’s that?
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: reminding you that you forgot to do your tax.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: ’tis the season.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Cooking Dinner '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: would you please cook dinner tonight?
:Tyler says: meh!
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: oh, i could make a curry.
:Monigue says: lord no! the last time i ate your curry i passed out from the heat.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: it was a korma!
:Monigue says: it’s pronounced,.. ’coma’!
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Arts and crafts '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says from offstage: *grunt*...jesus fuck my nose!
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: tyler dear, we’re getting a bit of a line up out here.
:Tyler says from offstage: well learn to cook woman!
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: happy now?
:Tyler says: i don’t think van gogh could have painted a better bowl.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique query.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Christmas '
written by
Dan
tyler and monique are spending christmas at monique’s parents this year.
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
it doesn’t go well.
nuff said?
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The adventures of Stumpy Bear '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: you know the best thing about new zealand?
:Tyler says: the ruminant rumpy-pumpy.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i’m just saying...
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: what?!
,Tyler query.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The 1.25L variety '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: it says here that 1 in 4 men dream about murdering their spouses.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: do you dream about murdering me?
:Tyler says: no.
:Monigue says: really?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i believe the term you’re looking for is "fantasize."
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' SQUEEEEEEE! '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: the car was making a weird noise. it was a kind of ’squeeeeeeee!’
:Tyler says: sounds like the fan belt. that shouldn’t be too hard to fix.
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: actually i don’t think it ’s the fan belt.
:Tyler says: well the car only makes a ’squeeeeeeee!’ sounds when the fan belt’s slipped.
,Tyler talk.,Monique guilty.
:Monigue says: no, it also makes a ’squeeeeeeee!’ sound when it slips across the medium strip on it’s roof.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Silk Tie '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know that silk tie i own?
:Monigue says: the one with the little camels? yes.
:Tyler says: hypothetically speaking, if i spilt some grease on it i should be able to soak it out using bleach, right?
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: god, no! it would strip it of all it’s colour.
:Tyler says: hmmm,.. you know your white silk dress?
,Tyler guilty.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: i don’t have a white silk dress. i have a red,.. silk,..

dress,...
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The Wrong Side of the Bed '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i slept terribly last night. why can’t you stay on your side of the bed?
:Monigue says: my side?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: fine, whatever! what side is your side of the bed?
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: the top side.

witch!
,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' New Years '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: settled on your new years resolutions yet?
:Monigue says: i’ve decided that i am perfectly fine the way i am.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: i actually sort of like you this way.
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Post Holidays '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: i’m still hung over.
:Monigue says: you’re hung over? i think i tried to drink the dog.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique headinhands.
:Tyler says: i believe the expression is "hair of the dog."
:Monigue says: i know.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique headinhands.
:Tyler says: ew.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Another Woman '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i’m sorry. i got drunk at the party last night and made out with another woman.
:Monigue says: what?!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
:Tyler says: if it makes it any better she was a horribly ugly mole with a gross vivid green shirt.
:Monigue says: vivid green,..??
,Tyler guilty.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: you bastard, that was me.
:Tyler says: oh, now i really do feel sick.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Dropped Pen '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: blast! i dropped my pen.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: while you’re down there,..
,Tyler coffee.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: ow!
,Tyler shock.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The Whipping Post '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: wow, it says here that 5 out of 6 women dream of cutting off their husband’s manhood and beating him to death with it.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: really?
:Monigue says: oh wait....no, that’s just me.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Slug '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: so according to this,.. the animal that i am most like would be,...
:Tyler says: hmm, a slug.
:Monigue says: hah! yeah, i’d agree with that.
,Tyler news.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: me too. the slug has the largest penis in relation to it’s body size of any animal in the known world.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: salt?
:Tyler says: you can be quite heartless when you want to be, can’t you?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sand Garden '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i’ve had enough of your failure to mow the lawn so i’ve had the whole thing dug up and replaced with a japanese sand garden.
:Tyler says: so i don’t have to mow any more?
:Monigue says: no, and i don’t have to complain to you about mowing anymore.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: we both win.
:Monigue says: yes, we both win.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique slygrin.
one month later,..
:Monigue says: the lawn needs raking into intricate patterns reflecting our current tao.
:Tyler says: again?!!
,Tyler angry.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Message '
written by
Dan
ring ring *click*
:Tyler says from offstage: phone says! hi, we can’t come to the phone at the moment because monique is,..
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
:Tyler says from offstage: phone says! sucking my very life blood away
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! tyler? what are you doing?
:Tyler says from offstage: phone says! just checking the phone message hon
*beeep*
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Stumpy Bear Rides Again '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: do you have any pictures of yourself that you don’t need?
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: we’re making dartboards in anger management class.
,Tyler talk.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Period Film '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: would you like to watch a generic period film?
:Tyler says: oh, i hate those! why is it that whenever a women coughs, it ends up being the onset of a fatal illness.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: what?
:Tyler says: you watch! a little *caff caff* 20 minutes in and you just know that she’ll be dropped into a hole 60 minutes later.
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
:Monigue says: you have no heart.
:Tyler says: i mean, don’t these people have vitamin c? eat a frickin’ orange for god’s sake.
:Monigue says: i wish i could drop you into a hole.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Ignore '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: it says here that ignoring your partner is the most offensive thing you can do, out-ranking ’striking’, ’abusing’ and ’cursing’.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Plants '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: my herb garden isn’t doing very well.
:Monigue says: they say that plants benefit from being talked to.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: alright you foliage sprouting, root spreading, slut of a weed!!! propergate like the filthy mud stained whore that you are!!!
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' When I Eats Me Spinach '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: hi.
:Monigue says: umm...hello.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i thought you’d asked the owner of the womb that spawned you to stop spying on us.
:Monigue says: i did. what makes you think she hasn’t?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: well, the pair of false teeth embedded in the windowsill of the upstairs bathroom was a bit of a giveaway.
:Monigue says: that would explain the loud thud we heard last night.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Was Your Father a Glazier? '
written by
Goatlord
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: so...how’s the invisibility potion then?
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Clumps of Hair '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: would you please clean the shower recess of the clumps of hair you lose in the morning?
:Tyler says: it just means i’m more manly.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: if you don’t do something about it, i certainly will.
:Tyler says: if you want to find a way to stop my hair falling out, be my guest.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
a few predictable days later.
:Tyler says from offstage: oh god help!! someone replaced my shampoo with superglue and now my head is stuck to the nozzle. oh god!! i can’t turn the cold water off!!!!
aiiiiiiiiiiy!!!!!
:Monigue says: so manly.
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Without a Parachute '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: i saw dave today, just a chance meeting in the street. it was surreal, he walked up to me to shake hands and i just drove my fist into his face. his limp body flew backwards and crashed with a sickening thud into the pavement.
:Monigue says: dear god tyler! he was your best friend.
:Tyler says: i know, i was horrified myself at the time, right up until i remembered a telling moment in our history.
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: he introduced us.
:Monigue says: oh...that’s right...fucker.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' I see Donkeys! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: do you believe in ghosts?
:Tyler says: do i...you’re joking right? isn’t that a part of the ’getting to know you’ phase of the relationship? how long have we been married? have i been mistaken in the belief that our ’honeymoon’ phase is looong over?
:Tyler says: you know what would be better than this? double shots of absinth...yeah...fuck yeah!
,Tyler angry.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: i only ask, as i was passing the liquor cabinet earlier and i thought i saw a ghost holding a donkey up on high, ready to beat the next person to come near said cabinet with said donkey. i just wanted a second opinion as to whether or not i was going mad.
:Tyler says from offstage: my dog has no nose!
:Monigue says: beware!
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: man this shit be good...i see donkeys!
:Monigue says: right, not going mad.
:Tyler says from offstage: the pain!!!!
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Pilot License '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i’ve been thinking about getting my pilot’s license.
:Monigue says from offstage: you want to fly an airplane?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: well, any mode of transport that gets me away from you, really.
,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: i can probably organise a canon.
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Do you see what I see? '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: did you keep your optometrist appointment today?
:Tyler says: optometrist? why yes i did. he said there was nothing wrong and gave me a lollypop.
:Monigue says: did she now?
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: of course, i was a good little boy and all good little boys have to go aaaaand watch the cricket.
:Monigue says: you? cricket? hah! ok mr 20/20, who’s playing?
,Tyler guilty.,Monique query.
:Tyler says from offstage: geez! if you must know, it is a rather enthralling game between turkmenistan and, ah...austria.
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Thinking '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: what are you thinking about?
:Tyler says: what? right now? it’s a bit weird. are you sure you want to know?
:Monigue says: yes, i really would.
,Tyler query.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: well,..
:Tyler says: if you were to cut someone, while they were still alive, from the stomach to the neck, should you cut up or down to avoid arterial spray?
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
and she never asked that question again and they were both happy.
,Tyler silent.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' And this little pig '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: when i was a boy, there was a pig in the village who made a small thatched cottage out of straw.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: the villagers said it was ’bedevilled’ and burnt it at the stake.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: it was delicious.
:Monigue says: oh god, i wish work started earlier.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Irony '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: when i was young, i was addicted to those ’your mamma so fat’ jokes. now i’m married to you i find it quite ironic.
:Monigue says: actually, it wouldn’t be ironic. if your mother was so concerned with your ’addiction’ that she turned to binge eating, that would be ironic.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: gee, thanks for that.
:Monigue says: any time you want me to point out your flaws just give me a call.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: now, is there anything else you’d like to know before i tear you a new anus?
:Tyler says: um, yes. just give me to time to put the question.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Almonds '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: mmm, tasty coffee.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: did you know that cyanide tastes like almonds?
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: *bleuch!*
:Monigue says: of course, almonds taste like almonds also.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Aerial Intercourse '
written by
Goatlord
the biggest australian dramas of ’05!
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
who will live? who will be horribly disfigured in a low budget makeover show?
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: who gives a flying..
:Monigue says: tyler!
:Tyler says: whatever.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Hail to the King, baby! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: ’the o.c.’ was billed as channel 10’s "guilty pleasure." now channel 7 are advertising their new "show" ’desperate housewives’ as "the biggest, must see, guilty pleasure." it’s disgustingly childish.
:Tyler says: perhaps channel 9 can go with, "the biggest, must see, guilty pleasure that no parent can afford to miss" for csi:ny.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: not funny but i wouldn’t bet against it.
:Tyler says: ok then, what did elvis like to use as a tv remote?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: a colt .45 automatic. oh yeah, the king of comedy, uh-huh. thankyouverymuch.
:Monigue says: ahhh, goforthandmultiply.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sand Garden 2 '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: for the last time, go and rake the friggin’ sand garden.
:Tyler says: fine!
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says from offstage: *gnnt*,.. *gasp*,.. for the love of,.. *hnnt*,... stupid,..
:Tyler says from offstage: crap! *hnnt*,... bugger!!,...
:Tyler says from offstage: *clank*,... piss!!!,...
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: dog biting,... *grunt*,.. chalk biter,.. towel sucking!!!,..
:Tyler says from offstage: *clunk* piss wanker!!,.. *shoove* cock goblins!!!
:Monigue says: zen, tyler. zen.
,Tyler none.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fun with words '
written by
Dan
innocent naivety
:Monigue says: where pants?!!
:Tyler says: there’re pants?
,Tyler query.,Monique shock.
resignation
:Monigue says: wear pants!
:Tyler says: here! pants!
,Tyler angry.,Monique angry.
full moon
:Tyler says: were-pants!!
:Monigue says: hear pants?
,Tyler guilty.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' La la la la la la la '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: when i was a younger man, i thought joely richardson was the hottest woman alive, only because i thought emma thompson was too old for me.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: thinking out loud again was i? right...i’ll be in my bunk.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: la la la la la la la
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Getting it up '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: well, last night was a bit of waste of effort. what with you not being able to get it up
:Monigue says: *hee hee hee*
,Tyler silent.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: well, at least you know for sure that i wasn’t fantasizing about anyone else.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: *hee hee hee*
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' ...and where, is the Stumpy Bear? '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: the annual work hunting trip is coming up and because you always complain about the cold weather, i bought you a new jacket.
:Monigue says: i’d rather not go.
:Tyler says: as would i but the people i work for are scary and i don’t want to do anything that could damage their fragile psyche. why don’t you go try it on?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says from offstage: wow...i don’t believe i’ve ever said this before but it’s huge.
:Tyler says: yes, quite. the sales assistant said it would keep you alive in temperatures as low as 53 degrees kelvin so i asked her if the stripy one would keep you alive in temperatures as low as 53 degrees hobbes....
:Monigue says from offstage: very good dear, just one question.
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: why does the hood have it’s very own set of antlers?
:Tyler says: it’s aaah, a theme weekend.
:Monigue says from offstage: well, then you won’t mind wearing that lovely vest mother bought you for christmas, the one with the large bullseye on the back.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Gullible’s Travels '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: god, spare me.
:Tyler says: why? i mean...huh?
:Monigue says: there is going to be a ’buffy’ and ’firefly’ crossover movie. there will be no ’angel’ involvement due to, and i quote, "the wb are being ghey."
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: ohmygodthatissocool ican’twait oooomaybewe’llseesome kayleeandwillowaction ohyeah thatwouldbesooogood...
:Monigue says: llllloser.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
,Tyler angry.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Alien Saucer '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: have you ever been abducted by an alien saucer?
:Monigue says: wha,.. what??
,Tyler query.,Monique shock.
:Monigue says: what the hell kind of question is that?
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: it’s just that, if you were, i think they may have forgotten to remove the probe.
,Tyler query.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Overseas '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: well, what do you want me to do?
:Monigue says: maybe you can actually spend some money and take me on an overseas trip.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: well actually, you know the eiffel tower?
:Monigue says: *gasp* yes! of course!
,Tyler query.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: sit on it!
:Monigue says: nice
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Maps '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: two friggin’ hours late!!
:Monigue says: don’t blame me. you were the one who wouldn’t stop for directions.
:Tyler says: you were supposed to be reading the map.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: women aren’t inclined to reading maps, we’re more adapt at emotional problems.
:Tyler says: well, that just goes to show how very woeful women are at doing anything important.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: i don’t need a map to tell you where to go this time tyler.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Camera '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i think my camera might be broken.
:Tyler says: mmm?
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: oh, wait. that’s right. you’re just really ugly.
:Tyler says: mmm.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: hey!
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sleep '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: ,..and then she told marci that the baby wasn’t his and sue marched around there and she said that she wasn’t going to stand for any more of it and then jack (you remember jack?) he said the he,... he,.. *yawn*
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
thud!
:Monigue says: zzzzzzz
,Tyler news.,Monique headinhands.
:Tyler says: with monique dosed up on rohypnol i’ve got the chance to enjoy some peace and quiet.
:Monigue says: zzzzzzz
:Tyler says: hmm, i must be getting old. i remember a time when,...
,Tyler coffee.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Da Vinci '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: so? did you get to cast tim robbins for the part of ’robert langdon’ in the film version of ’the da vinci code’?
:Monigue says: your favorite book? your favorite actor? why what a precious gift that would be from me to you. actually we got ’tom hanks’ to play the role.
,Tyler query.,Monique coffee.
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: yes, i really hate you that much.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Dan Brown Bites '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: frozen urine can kill you.
:Monigue says: orange urine may, yes.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: doubtful as red lizards.
:Monigue says: idiot nose goblin.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' T-Rex '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: oh, my back. oh, i need a back rub!
:Monigue says: ooooooooooooooh!
:Tyler says: oh for the love of,... fine i’ll go get some massage oil.
,Tyler talk.,Monique headinhands.
:Monigue says: yay!
:Tyler says from offstage: it’s times like these that i wish i was a tyrannosaurus rex.
:Monigue says: what? why?
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
:Tyler says from offstage: tiny vestigal arms. can’t give back rubs.
:Monigue says: plus the whole, biting me in half if i give you any lip.
:Tyler says from offstage: i wish, i wish i was a tyrannosaurus rex.
,Tyler none.,Monique headinhands.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Cosmetic Surgery '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: do you think my appearance could benefit from cosmetic surgery?
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: that depends. do you mean that you’d have your thighs done?
,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: or that everyone else would have their eyelids sewn shut?
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Snake Charming '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i was thinking of doing a tafe course in hairdressing but check this out. snake charming!
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: well for you they’re one and the same aren’t they?
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
and then she turned him to stone.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Angels '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: do you believe in angels?
,Tyler silent.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: no, i really don’t.
:Monigue says: then the kitchen is on fire.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says from offstage: my steak!! it’s ruined!!
:Monigue says: i believe in angels.
,Tyler none.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Chinese New Year '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: big things are coming for you, eh?
:Tyler says: wha? why?
,Tyler query.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: chinese new year.
year of the cock!
,Tyler silent.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: shh, listen closely. that’s the sound of no-one laughing.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Goat '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: have you ever eaten goat?
:Tyler says: with or without horns?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: what’s eating you?
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' What Year?! '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: you look flustered, you haven’t actually been running have you?
:Tyler says from offstage: quickly, close the blinds! i hear footsteps, do you hear footsteps?
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: they switched your decaf at work again huh?
:Tyler says from offstage: it was awful, i was out the back but i could distinctly hear the guy ask for a ’phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range’ so i hightailed it out of there.
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: idiot.
:Tyler says from offstage: i’m going to hide under the bed now. if anyone comes to the door, your name is ’sarah’
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Fantastic Voyage '
written by
Goatlord
just what is paul robinson up to on the latest episode of super celebrity porn neighbours?
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: his elbow?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: ow...hurties
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Haimoo '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: all men are evil.
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: women are tools of satan.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: kitties are nice though.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Buy me a Hippo '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: i met a beautiful woman today who offered me one million dollars for one night with my husband.
:Tyler says: really?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: so...
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: ...so i shot her with my taser and had her taken away to the loony bin.
:Tyler says: nooooooooooo!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Valentine’s Day '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: cling wrap over the toilet, tyler?
:Tyler says: it’s the classics that are the best. happy valentine’s day.
,Tyler talk.,Monique angry.
:Monigue says: you’re thinking of april fool’s day.
:Tyler says: i always get those confused,..
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: i wonder why.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Ordering a Pizza '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! hello, welcome to pizza hut. i’m annie, a robot that can understand english to make it easier for you to order. where would you like to pick up from?
:Tyler says from offstage: wishart
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! you have selected,.. ’warrick’. is this correct?
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Tyler says from offstage: wishart!!
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! you have selected ’no’. where would you like to pickup from?
:Tyler says from offstage: oh for the love of,.. wishart!
,Tyler none.,Monique news.
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! you have selected ’active warhead’. is this correct?
:Tyler says from offstage: god damn,... waste of,... stupid,.!!!!
:Monigue says from offstage: phone says! you have selected ’yes’.
,Tyler none.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Mini '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i was thinking of buying myself a mini.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique guilty.
:Tyler says: yeah! sure! go ahead!
:Monigue says: really? cool!
,Tyler shock.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: i love those skirts.
:Monigue says: i thought i’d have to convince him to let me buy a new car.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Trial Delays '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: says here that michael jackson checked into a hospital yesterday.
:Monigue says: does it say why?
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: they’re calling it a "flu-like illness."
:Monigue says: oh, i see. i don’t suppose this means they’ll be putting his trial on hold?
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: guess so. say, i’m not feeling so well myself.
:Monigue says: you’re not getting out of tantric sex night that easily.
:Tyler says: no, really, i think i’m going to vomit.
,Tyler shock.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Questions of Origin '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: i’ve been wondering.are we australian, or are we american?
:Monigue says: hmm...
,Tyler query.,Monique query.
,Tyler silent.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: well?
:Monigue says: sorry, i was thinking about mel gibson.
,Tyler talk.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Night Sounds '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: singing!
:Monigue says: why are you so chipper this morning?
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: admit it. last night, you made sounds you’ve never made before.
:Monigue says: ha.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: that you’ve heard, anyway.
,Tyler angry.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Underwear '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know i’ve,.. stopped wearing underwear.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: yes, i realised that.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: that’s why i’ve started wearing double.
,Tyler silent.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sauce of Vitamin C '
written by
Goatlord
’twas the nght before christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring,
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
except for the angry wife stalking her husband with a shiny new axe after discovering her moisturiser had been replaced with...something else.
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: he-e-e-e-re’s johnny!
:Tyler says from offstage: run away!
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' 1001 Uses '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says from offstage: ow...honey i’m home!
:Monigue says: he slurs drunkenly after staggering through the screen door...at 6am no less.
:Tyler says from offstage: sweety, i can explain. i was out drinking with the boys when i met this hot chick and well, one thing led to another and we ended up going at it hammer and tong all night. i’m really sorry.
,Tyler none.,Monique angry.
:Monigue says: right...and my uncle noel doesn’t have carnal knowledge of animals. what really happened?
:Tyler says from offstage: ok, ok. i was out drinking with the boys and after we got chucked out at closing time, they thought it would be a good idea to duct tape me to the nearest roundabout....again.
,Tyler none.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: oh tyler, you could have at least put on clean underwear before you left yesterday.
:Tyler says from offstage: *sniff* *sniff*
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' My Hands Are Empty Now '
written by
Goatlord
,Tyler none.,Monique none.,Tyler none.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: i need a better hiding place for my invisibility potion don’t i?
:Monigue says: maybe.
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' CD Burning '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: what’s that smell?
:Tyler says: you wanted me to burn you some madonna cds.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: the cd writer makes that smell?
:Tyler says: cd writer?
,Tyler query.,Monique shock.
:Monigue says from offstage: my madonna cds!!!!
:Tyler says: whoopsie. silly tyler.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Elephant Tangent '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: so, what elephants have the biggest ears? the indian elephant,..
:Tyler says: or you?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: have you ever seen ’reservoir dogs’ tyler?
:Tyler says: you’re going to cut my ear off?
:Monigue says: could be tyler. could be.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: imagine an elephant version of reservoir dogs.
:Monigue says: wow! you’d need, like, a chain saw.
:Tyler says: yeah, one that could be operated without thumbs.
,Tyler query.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Handy Tips for Swatting Flies '
written by
Goatlord
handy tip #407
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
when using hand tools of any variety (esp. hammers), put said tools down before any attempt at swatting.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
:Monigue says: uh..tyler, are you ok?
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique query.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Turderific '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: guess what all the cool kids are drinking these days?
:Monigue says: i don’t care.
:Tyler says: jagermeister. that stuff is soo cool, you can’t be cool unless you’re drinking... jagermeister.
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: with all the advertisments, competitions and pub sluts, it is no wonder that jagermeister is the essence of cool.
:Monigue says: prithee mr cool, may i assume you have purchased a quantity of this wondrous beverage?
:Tyler says: i’m drinking it right now, mmmm mmm, yeah baby!
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: frankly, i fail to see how my vast repository of cool could possibly grow by me drinking the fetid concentrate of warthog diarrhoea.
:Monigue says: i’m afraid your coolness quotient has dropped below any quatifiable means.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Hotter than the Sun '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: i thought i asked you to stop using my invisibility potion? it doesn’t grow on trees you know. well ok, it does grow on trees but it’s really hard to find, seeing as you can’t see it, see?
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
:Tyler says: well?
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: i’m in the other room, moron.
,Tyler none.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' James Bondage '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: cool gadgets, fast cars, hot women? james bond really is the complete male fantasy.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: of course the best bit is that whenever he has a one night stand someone creeps in, under the cover of darkness and murders the girl before things get awkward.
:Monigue says: that’s very cynical tyler.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: hey! say what you want, i’ve never seen a scene where james bond leans over then whispers in her ear,..
:Tyler says: soo, ah,.. this has been great,... um,.. should i call you a cab?
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Who Knows '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: you’re not psychic, are you?
:Monigue says: no, i’m not.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: good.
:Monigue says: don’t even think about it.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: you said you weren’t psychic!
:Monigue says: i’m not psychic. you’re just predictable.
,Tyler angry.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Eat my Eva '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: i understand that ’normal’ is a relative term but your family gatherings are just... so... completely... fucked!
:Tyler says: that’s a fair comment. i must say that when i was a young lad, i would dream that my midget, trapeeze artist, biological parents would whisk me away one day to a life of high flying adventure in the circus.
:Monigue says: i wish.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: your cousin will has changed though. i remembered him as being...
:Tyler says: hippie scum?
:Monigue says: i was going to say, a bit alternative but yes, hippie scum would be more accurate.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: yeah, his new girlfriend is heavily into anime. my aunt calls it his, "chubby, junkfood eating, robot phase." i always liked her.
:Monigue says: i guess that explains the hair.
:Tyler says: oh no, they’re just freaks.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Rascal Dog '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: your stupid dog snatched the meat off the bench today.
:Tyler says: oh stuart, you rascally canine.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: at any rate, we’re having stu for dinner.
:Tyler says: that’s fine. i quite like stew.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: wait,..
:Tyler says: what?
,Tyler shock.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Suck the Hookah '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: that teacher friend of yours is an absolute riot. wow, can that man tell a joke! there was this one, a right corker..
:Monigue says: yes, dylan has managed to be the life of any party for as long as i’ve known him but tyler dear, how many times do we have to go through this? you. can’t. tell. jokes.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: nah, this one is sheer brilliance. i can’t go wrong.

what’s better than doing the horizontal folk dance with a 16 year old schoolgirl?
:Tyler says: ...nothing!

ha, fantastic. you know it’s funny, because it’s...
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: the pain!
:Monigue says from offstage: hi, therese? your daughter is in dylan’s class this year right? yeah, about that...
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Morning Meeting '
written by
Jeremy
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: oh shit! my alarm didn’t go off. oh god, i’m late!
:Tyler says: sorry. must have bumped it last night.
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: ahh! you bastard, i had a morning meeting with--
:Tyler says: with brad pitt. yes, you told me many, many times last night.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Another Mother-in-Law Joke '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: ... so i said, "get off my lawn, you old hag, or i’m calling the cops!"
:Monigue says: hahahahaha!
,Tyler talk.,Monique headinhands.
:Tyler says: you thought that was funny?
:Monigue says: well, of course. it was a joke...right?
,Tyler query.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: uh. on a completely unrelated note, there was a call from your mother. she needs bail money.
:Monigue says: i’d kill you now, but she’s going to want that pleasure when she gets out.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Text Messages I Have Received '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: beware the lord of the fluorescent monkey penis!
:Tyler says: are you drunk????
,Tyler query.,Monique angry.
:Monigue says: i’m having a weekend get together, can i borrow all your buffy and angel dvds?
:Tyler says: lillee is here, 7lb 2oz.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: can you bring a nutcracker?
:Monigue says: i .will freeze your chickens :-(
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Betty or Veronica? '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: zoe or kaylee?
,Tyler query.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: kaylee or river?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: buffy or willow?
:Monigue says: it’s just not fair!
,Tyler query.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Vows '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i sometimes think back to what the priest said, the day we were married.
:Monigue says: priest? you mean that guy dressed as elvis?
:Tyler says: oh he was a priest, i’m just not sure from which church.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: at any rate, most of it’s foggy but i remember these words like they were spoken yesterday.
:Tyler says: "death do us part"
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: roll on, reaper.
:Tyler says: amen to that.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Exs '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: who was your most memorable ex-girlfriend?
:Tyler says: well,.. there was this italian girl with bad vision and disposable contacts.
:Monigue says: what was so memorable about her?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: she wore glasses all the time.
:Tyler says: scary, scary girl,..

what about you?
:Monigue says: there was this one guy who was scottish.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
:Tyler says: were you with him long?
:Monigue says: nah, it was just a highland fling.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Tivo '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: we need tivo.
:Monigue says: why?
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: it makes suggestions for shows based on what you like. tivo figures out what kind of person you are.
:Monigue says: we already know what kind of "person" you are.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: i was hoping it could tell us what manner of demonspawn you are, o’ watcher of reality shows.
:Monigue says: one with good taste, o’ watcher of pro wrestling.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
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