Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' I Found Serenity '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: i still can’t figure out how you threw your back out.
:Tyler says: it was just one of those freak "acts of god."
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: a likely story. when i found you prostrate on the office floor, it looked as if you’d been crawling away from the computer desk. i know that chair isn’t the most comfortable but.... you were jacking off to porn weren’t you?!
:Tyler says: it wasn’t porn. the trailer for the new firefly movie just came out and... i’m sure i wasn’t the only one.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique angry.
:Monigue says: you sick little puppy. i am so getting my own keyboard and mouse.
:Tyler says from offstage: floating away...
,Tyler none.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' No One Nose '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: i want to lick your nose.
:Monigue says: i want to lick your nose.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i want to lick your nose.
:Monigue says: i want to lick your nose.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i want to lick your nose.
:Monigue says: moo.
,Tyler talk.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Cycling '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: maybe we could get fit by riding bikes.
:Tyler says: gosh! that takes me back. that last time i rode a bike was,...
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: ,..oh, yes. my buck’s night.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: ah, the memories.
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Arfternoon Delight '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: how do you make a dog meow?
:Tyler says: put it in the freezer for three days, pull it out then run it across a band saw.
meeeeeeow!
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: you thieved that from george smilovici.
:Tyler says: it’s called "paying homage" dear. how about this one then, what do dogs say when they spontaneously combust?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
woof
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Hobbies '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: you’re so boring. all you ever do is watch tv and read the paper. why aren’t you more exciting?
:Tyler says: much as i hate agreeing with you, i do believe that there are a host of unfinished hobbies in the attic, awaiting my return.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
a week later
:Monigue says from offstage: it’s nice to see that you’re working on your hobbies. i see you’ve dug out both the telescope and the cameras.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique none.
:Monigue says: wait a second,...
,Tyler guilty.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Kylie '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: oh my god! kylie minogue has been diagnosed with breast cancer.
,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: well, she should have kept them out of the sun.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: it’s not the first time her breasts have created a blood-fed growth.
:Monigue says: ew!
:Tyler says: mmm, cancery!
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Mightier than the Sword '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: ...she said what?
:Tyler says: "my pet monkey has better handwriting skills than you and he uses his own fecal matter as a medium."
:Monigue says: that’s what i thought you said. wow, that’s a little disturbing.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: thanks monique, talking to you has really helped.
:Monigue says: your handwriting is atrocious, get over it. the bigger picture is eluding you at present, isn’t it?
:Tyler says: you want to have a go at my artwork now?
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: tyler, an old friend of yours has a pet monkey, that she communicates with, using alphabet poo.
:Tyler says: yes but...oh, right. well, that’s one less card to send out at christmas i guess.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
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