i sometimes think back to what the priest said, the day we were married. priest? you mean that guy dressed as elvis? oh he was a priest, i’m just not sure from which church. | at any rate, most of it’s foggy but i remember these words like they were spoken yesterday. "death do us part" | roll on, reaper. amen to that. |
who was your most memorable ex-girlfriend? well,.. there was this italian girl with bad vision and disposable contacts. what was so memorable about her? | she wore glasses all the time. scary, scary girl,.. what about you? there was this one guy who was scottish. | were you with him long? nah, it was just a highland fling. |
we need tivo. why? | it makes suggestions for shows based on what you like. tivo figures out what kind of person you are. we already know what kind of "person" you are. | i was hoping it could tell us what manner of demonspawn you are, o’ watcher of reality shows. one with good taste, o’ watcher of pro wrestling. |
care to explain why the tivo is full of pay-per-view porn set in world war two? i could take a guess... | last week, you recorded saving private ryan. and you recorded showgirls. twice. |
what happened to the tivo, darling? i reset it, and recorded hours and hours of will & grace, and it still suggests home improvement and mechanic shows. so i tossed it. | um, why? i read that tivo can prove you’re gay. | no such luck for you, butch. curse my heterosexuality. indeed. |
you filthy, rag whore, dog fucking slut! eat shit you dirty, ring raiding, nugget punching, mouldy arsed, elephant groping, necrophiliac! | sheep herding, felafel rapist! holy shit! are you as turned on as i am? last one upstairs felches first. | hey no fair! |
so...you wanted to be gay? maybe. | but, you like girls. relative to what? |