Fuck
You
My
Darling
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Leia '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: do you think i’m fat?
:Tyler says: well, let me put it this way
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: when we have sex i imagine princess leia in a gold bikini
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: and then i imagine that she’s chained to you.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Clam '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: why do we say ’as happy as a clam’?
:Monigue says: because they’re always smiling
,Tyler query.,Monique news.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: because they’re not married to you.
:Tyler says: you couldn’t let it go, could you?
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Lost Love '
written by
Jeremy
:Monigue says: where has the romance in our relationship gone?
:Tyler says: let me think.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: well?
:Tyler says: it’s not on page seven. let me check page eight.
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Decanter '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: do you know what happened to my crystal decanter?
:Tyler says: do you recall that fight we had?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: which one?
:Tyler says: the one where i got hit in the head with a crystal decanter
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: ah,..
,Tyler silent.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Good Luck, Darling '
written by
Jeremy
:Monigue says: what would you do if i had an affair?
:Tyler says: i’d build snowmen with joseph stalin.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: that makes no sense!
:Tyler says: it makes perfect sense. i’d have to be dead...
,Tyler coffee.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: ...and for someone else to sleep with you, hell would be under six feet of snow.
,Tyler talk.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Coffee Filters! '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: this coffee is awful. taste this.
:Monigue says: no thank you.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: who made it?
:Monigue says: me.
:Tyler says: what did you use for a filter? a dirty sock?
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: your dirty sock, actually. maybe now you will remember to pick up filters after work.
:Tyler says: at least it wasn’t your sock.
:Monigue says: that was yesterday’s pot.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' To spite her face '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: my dog has no nose.
:Monigue says: ...you don’t have a dog.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: ok then, your dog has no nose.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The true meaning of Christmas (pt 1) '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: beware the fetid donkey cheese! it consumes with a hitherto unknown passion for the art of kanly.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: beware the wife with the hitherto unknown passion for dropping acid in her husband’s morning coffee.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: mmmmm....snozberry.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' 37 monkeys and 3 typewriters '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: yo yo yo my skanky ho!
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: i be keepin it real wit my gangsta homies aight! chilly willy, funky monkey, yo...da. biatch!
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: i think mr ps2 needs a nice, relaxing coffee bath.
:Tyler says: werd.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Diamond and Glass '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: here’s something interesting. today i knocked my ring against a window and i freaked that i’d be blamed for damage, but the window was fine.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: in fact, it turns out that the stone in my ring now has a small scratch in it. i thought that diamond was the strongest substance there was.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: what do you think that means?
:Tyler says: in hindsight i would have bought talc.
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Ugly Stick '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: am i beginning to lose some of my boyish good looks?
:Monigue says: hmmm,.. well,..
,Tyler query.,Monique coffee.
:Monigue says: it’s like someone built a car out of ugly sticks,..
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: ,..and then backed it over your head.
,Tyler angry.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' From the treetops '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: tyler
:Tyler says: monique
:Monigue says: i...
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i know.
,Tyler talk.,Monique silent.
,Tyler guilty.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The dastardly deeds of Richard Cranium '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: oh dear, listen to this poor loser, "naughty girl desperate for good spanking..."
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: "turn ons: chips, dips, chains and whips. turn offs: candlewax on the nipples."
,Tyler coffee.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: why is my mobile number printed with the ad?!
:Tyler says: happy unbirthday antlered one.
,Tyler talk.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' On the Green '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know, if you were ’on the green’ all day, and you were playing lawn bowls that would be good.
:Tyler says: but if you were playing golf, it would be very very bad.
,Tyler query.,Monique coffee.
,Tyler silent.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: sounds like you’ve been ’on the green’ all day.
,Tyler silent.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Growth '
written by
Dan
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: remember to make an appointment with your doctor. you need to have that ’growth’ checked.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: i’ve asked you before, please don’t call it that. it’s very bad for my libido.
,Tyler news.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sleeping In '
written by
Jeremy
7:00 am
:Monigue says: mmm...

,Tyler none.,Monique news.
8:30 am
:Monigue says: ahh...

,Tyler none.,Monique news.
10:00 am
:Monigue says: getting better with the knots, i see.
,Tyler angry.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Woorhahrahh '
written by
Jeremy
:Tyler says: would you ever cast me in one of your movies?
:Monigue says: actually, i could use you right now.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: really?
:Monigue says: lucas is looking for wookies for episode 3 spot filming. you’d be perfect.
,Tyler shock.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: we’ll strip you naked and shoot you from the back.
,Tyler angry.,Monique coffee.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Pros and Cons '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: have you ever used a prostitute?
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: for sex? no!
,Tyler query.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: ummmmm,..
:Tyler says: best not to ask.
:Monigue says: ok
,Tyler news.,Monique shock.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Escapee '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: did you hear about the new zealand escapee?
:Monigue says: mmm?
:Tyler says: he was ’on the lamb’.
,Tyler talk.,Monique news.
:Monigue says: uh.
:Tyler says: i’m a comic genius.
:Monigue says: you make, me, laugh.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: thank you.
:Monigue says: no, i mean,...
:Monigue says: auh, damnit!
,Tyler coffee.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The true meaning of Christmas (pt2) '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: delta’s ventricle is entreated to a show of disparity.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: seemingly yellow, chantelle’s sheep flows northward in search of the monkey poet.
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: the dubiousness of your heritage is plainly evident.
:Tyler says: heh-heh
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' The best years of our life '
written by
Goatlord
:Monigue says: is there any coffee in that scotch?
:Tyler says: i’m as jober as sudge, orificer.
,Tyler talk.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: do you remember when we were young and couldn’t keep our hands off each other?
:Monigue says: yes.....ah.
,Tyler talk.,Monique talk.
:Monigue says: scull, scull, scull...
,Tyler coffee.,Monique talk.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Omnipotence of one '
written by
Goatlord
,Tyler news.,Monique none.
in other news, a 439 car pile up on the freeway has surprisingly produced only one fatality, that of a female commuter.
,Tyler slygrin.,Monique none.
:Monigue says from offstage: honey, i’m home.
:Tyler says: ah me, dreams dashed upon the rocks of "god thinks he’s a funny prick."
,Tyler talk.,Monique none.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' French '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: tu n’est qu’un bon a rien. ta vie est un echec.
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Monigue says: tout l’espace qu’il y a dans tes pantalons, ca me fait hurler de rire.
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: stop that!
:Monigue says: je n’ai pas envie de m’arreter.
:Tyler says: tu est,.. une,... um,.. le bitchhead!
,Tyler angry.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Volvo vs Astra '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: so you’re saying that your astra is better than my volvo in every single way?
:Monigue says: well, yes. my astra goes faster, has better acceleration, is more comfortable, has better handling and has better fuel consumption. it’s better in every single way.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: mmm?
:Monigue says: in fact, i could beat you in any type of competition with my astra.
,Tyler silent.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: wanna play chicken?
:Monigue says: uh, no.
,Tyler talk.,Monique guilty.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Gun Shop '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: you know maybe you should show me a little more respect, i do work in a gun shop you know?
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
:Monigue says: you’re their accountant!
,Tyler guilty.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: well,.. have you done your tax yet? there are fines you know?
,Tyler coffee.,Monique silent.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Slurpee Headache '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: did you know that the ’cold’ headache that you get when you suck too hard on a slurpee is the same as why people get a pain in their left arm when there’s a problem with their heart? the brain confuses the signals.
,Tyler news.,Monique silent.
:Monigue says: does this explain why i get the creeping horrors when you kiss me?
,Tyler news.,Monique talk.
:Tyler says: no. that’s because i hate you.
,Tyler news.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Sexually Satisfied '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: i just want you to know that i felt sooo sexually satisfied last night.
,Tyler news.,Monique slygrin.
:Tyler says: but i came home late from,...
,Tyler shock.,Monique silent.
:Tyler says: fuck you, my darling!
,Tyler talk.,Monique slygrin.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Attraction '
written by
Dan
:Monigue says: are you still attracted to me?
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
:Tyler says: gravitationally?
,Tyler news.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: ow!
,Tyler headinhands.,Monique angry.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' Close the iris '
written by
Goatlord
:Tyler says: when i was little, i lived in a house that had a chimney.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
:Tyler says: one christmas, i’m pretty sure i heard the chimney say ’no’.
,Tyler news.,Monique news.
,Tyler news.,Monique query.
F#@$ You, My Darling!
created by Dan Beeston.
' A Pet '
written by
Dan
:Tyler says: i was thinking of getting a pet.
:Monigue says: a pet?
,Tyler talk.,Monique shock.
:Tyler says: don’t you like animals?
:Monigue says: i married you, didn’t i.
,Tyler query.,Monique talk.
,Tyler silent.,Monique news.
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